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How can I help my 5 year old stop pooping in his pants all the time at school at home anytime we go anywhare I have tried everything and nuthing has worked (going to the doctor physictrist and all different things) and just don't know what to do anymore, please help

I have been devorced for 1 year and going through the hole thing for 3 year's and I had to leave in the middle of the night cause thier father was not letting me get medical attantion and he told my chidren I left cause i didn't love them and that was far from the truth and tried to get them out of that as soon as i could but they still have to go see him everyweekend as the courts say...

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Traber

Asked by Traber at 7:27 PM on Apr. 4, 2013 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 4 (34 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • 5 is really old to be defecating on himself. is the child developmentally delayed?
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 7:29 PM on Apr. 4, 2013

  • What has your pediatrician said? Have they done a complete physical?
    Mrs_Prissy

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 7:29 PM on Apr. 4, 2013

  • I've seen this happen to children who are punished while potty training to an extent that they'll hold their bowels for extended periods of time. This harms those muscles and they child reaches a point where they can no longer control their bowels.
    Mrs_Prissy

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 7:31 PM on Apr. 4, 2013

  • @ Mrs_Prissy- that must be some pretty Jacked Up parenting.
    Are the kids otherwise abused/ neglected? in addition to the toilet training issues?
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 7:34 PM on Apr. 4, 2013

  • There is typically other abuse but I have only witnessed the more covert, harmful psychological shit. Constantly berating, yelling, expecting the child to behave and act at a much higher age level that what they are.
    Mrs_Prissy

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 7:37 PM on Apr. 4, 2013

  • wow- this may be the saddest thing i have read here. I honestly didnt know- thanks for the info
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 7:43 PM on Apr. 4, 2013

  • something else isn't right for this to be an everyday occurence, listen to Mrs. Prissy!
    jerseydiva

    Answer by jerseydiva at 7:50 PM on Apr. 4, 2013

  • Seems like between a doctor & psychiatrist (or counselor? therapist? child psychologist consult?) you should have been given some guidance that would help.
    Given the tension & turbulence you describe, I would think there's clear emotional cause for encopresis issues. It doesn't have to be overt abuse; the child's level of distress (which can be as simple as a reaction against control, that set up an issue that has escalated) is what counts. Not specific parental wrongdoing.
    It's about a child's REACTION to something, not evidence of a specific "something" that was done.
    I'm surprised his doctor wouldn't have addressed the possibility of constipation & ways to support regular voiding. Also the issue of a spasming sphincter (the involuntary internal one) that is likely behind the soiling accidents. (This is generally a physical result of earlier constipation issues & an anal fissure.) The signals to the brain get all messed up.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 11:01 AM on Apr. 5, 2013

  • My first goal would be to take control & struggle OUT of the equation. Any way I could. And also to be clear about that. Explicit! Including something along the lines of "In the past I ...... because I thought that was the right thing to do. Now I know better and ......."

    I would want to refrain from trying to use my reactions (of any kind) to "get" the child to shape up. This is because I want to create the conditions for healing, resolution of issues, and change. It's a long-term goal.

    I don't know if products like Miralax/stool softeners would be recommended (that's where your doctor comes in) and it's possible to do it without anything extra.

    But prioritize correcting the conditions that exacerbate the problem. Get support for your (valid) frustration & fears. That'll help keep those feelings from interfering in the situation. Think of this situation as expressing emotional issues in your child. Get support for those!
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 11:10 AM on Apr. 5, 2013

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