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5 Bumps

Insecure man

My boyfriend is just so insecure. Everytime there is any guy, no matter how they look talking to me or even holding the door for BOTH OF US he starts an arguement about it. "Was he staring at you?" "Was that guy hitting on you?" It just embarrassing and very annoying. I love him but when is this going to end? I can't live my life reassuring him that I love him every second. I just feel like this is suffocating me.

Do you think we need counseling or just him? I'm willing to do anything to save our relationship.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:00 AM on Apr. 5, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • He probably wouldn't go without you anyway so you might as well try couples counseling. Good luck.
    kmath

    Answer by kmath at 12:01 AM on Apr. 5, 2013

  • I wouldn't be with an insecure man.
    PMSMom10

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 12:03 AM on Apr. 5, 2013

  • I agree with kmath. You both need to go to counseling. Best of Luck!
    ggsmom333

    Answer by ggsmom333 at 12:09 AM on Apr. 5, 2013

  • Good lord. Then his issue should be with the OTHER MAN. Like you can control who opens a fucking door at the mall?
    50% of the people on the planet are men. You're in for a long life of this!
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 12:14 AM on Apr. 5, 2013

  • He should go and get to the bottom of his jealousy and if you need to go to support him, do it. No, you cannot spend a lifetime reassuring him, it is ridiculous. This will not go away either.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 12:28 AM on Apr. 5, 2013

  • Unfounded jealousy is a deal breaker for me. I would say these exact words..." I am not a cheater, I have never been a cheater, I will never cheat on you. If you can not respect me enough to stop doubting my honor, then that is a deal breaker and we need to both move on and break up."

    It is not fair to you and your relationship to constantly be accused of something you are not doing.
    SleepingBeautee

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 12:31 AM on Apr. 5, 2013

  • SleepingBeautee nailed it. The kind of insecurity you describe is not romatic or cute. It's actually frightening, because guys like this can become guys who don't let you see anyone ever. And those kinds of guys are the ones who start hitting.

    YOU don't need to do anything to save the relationship. HE needs to get counseling. If he refuses, there's no way to save the relationship.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:56 AM on Apr. 5, 2013

  • I couldn't live like that. I wish you luck, but be careful. Insane jealousy like that can lead to abuse if BF takes a notion not to believe your constant reassurances, and that often does happen eventually. Don't let him isolate you from friends and family or keep you from coming and going freely.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 1:00 AM on Apr. 5, 2013

  • It will only get worse, to be honest I wouldn't spend time going to counseling etc. He is a boyfriend not your husband, so why not just be with someon who isn't so jealous? It worries me that you write, "I would do anything to save our relationship". This is as much about control as it is his insecurities.
    I can't tell you how many times I have seen women get married to someone like this, and the next thing you know, he is limiting her time with her friends, demandind she call him every 5 minutes, showing up at her work "in case" she was up to something. This is a trust issue, and a big fat RED flag!
    jerseydiva

    Answer by jerseydiva at 10:17 AM on Apr. 5, 2013

  • Be careful
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 1:28 PM on Apr. 5, 2013

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