I know there isn't a right or wrong answer to this, I just feel like at some point it isn't going to happen. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years, living with him for 1 year. He and my daughter get along. He is helpful with her, and watches her when he can, and picks her up from preschool and takes her to her dads one day a week. To me this feels like a babysitter. He is really great with her, he plays with her and is proactive when he doesn't have other things going on. But because he doesn't love her (he tells me this straight out, which I am happy he is honest about it) and he doesn't feel like he has any responsibility of her it doesn't feel like we are a family. When we get up, he stays in bed while I get her ready, I give her her baths and read and sing to her before bed while he does other things. In the morning I'll ask him what his plans for the day are and he will say "going to blah blah to watch the game, or biking around with whoever.." His plans don't include us. I feel like if he were ready for this "dad" role he wouldn't be thinking about what he wants to do with his friends every day, and instead think of what he would like to do as a family. I am working, and going to school, and any time outside of that is spent with my daughter. I never, never ever get to go out and see my friends...ever. And when I ask him to watch her on the weekends when I'm working all night he says he needs at least one day on the weekend to not watch her so he can go out with his friend. I understand it isn't fair of me to expect him to give up seeing his friends to watch my daughter, but why am I living with him if he doesn't just do this because that is his role and it's what he wants to do!?
It's hard because her dad is in her life. My boyfriend doesn't know what role he should be taking with her because the dad role is already taken. But I feel like we talk about this all the time and I feel awful for living with someone who doesn't treat my daughter like his own. He is a great guy and loves me a lot, but he also doesn't have a good steady job and I don't know if it's good for us to be living with him. I don't know what I would do if I weren't living with him. I really love him, and he would do anything for me, and I wouldn't be able to afford living anywhere else and just change is scary.
I broke up with him the other night, and he moved most of his things out of our house before I couldn't watch him leave my life anymore and told him we should talk things through first. So I know I love him, but after 2 years with us he still isn't ready for this role. Should I give him more time or should I not waste any more time?
Please know I do love this man. He is really great with her and she loves him a lot. It isn't just an easy choice when he thinks he will eventually get to that point (father like role) where I think he should already be. I feel like it should have happened already organically. That if he wanted to get closer to her he would have been doing things to show that he wants to, not just babysitting her when I ask him to.
Answer by butterflyblue19 at 2:02 PM on Apr. 5, 2013
Answer by missanc at 2:02 PM on Apr. 5, 2013
It's hard because her dad is in her life. My boyfriend doesn't know what role he should be taking with her because the dad role is already taken.
Maybe cause of this.
Answer by virginiamama71 at 2:04 PM on Apr. 5, 2013
Answer by LostSoul88 at 2:15 PM on Apr. 5, 2013
Answer by jerseydiva at 2:24 PM on Apr. 5, 2013
Answer by jerseydiva at 2:25 PM on Apr. 5, 2013
Answer by jerseydiva at 2:34 PM on Apr. 5, 2013