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4 Bumps

Protecting me or violating my privacy?

This is kind of an odd situation that came up today. I'm not sure what to think. I don't read print, so my boyfriend goes through the mail and tells me anything that's important. He came in with the mail and said there was a note from a cousin of mine, so I was interested to hear what it had to say. He read it, then crumpled it up and tossed it in the trash. I asked him what was in the note, and he was very disgusted and said my cousin had heard something unkind about me from my sister, and that it was stupid and I didn't need to know what it was. I tried to get him to tell me, and he only said it was dumb and unfounded, and if I heard it, I'd just be upset and there was no reason for it.

That's all I can get out of him. Should I just decide he's protecting me and let it go, or push him to tell me, or talk to my cousin? My boyfriend said my cousin wrote the note because she probably didn't want to talk to my face about what my sister said. He told me he wouldn't worry about it all coming to bite me in the ass because it's just more of my sister's typical catty bullshit, which she's kind of famous for. I wish she had e-mailed me instead, at least.

Would you feel protected or violated? Would it bother you to know something had been said but not what it was? Or would you just trust that your man had good intentions and leave it at that?


Asked by Ballad at 7:46 PM on Apr. 5, 2013 in Relationships

Level 45 (193,996 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I think he is a good man & trying to spare you from upset & unnecessary drama. I think it was the right thing to do. If you have the time & the energy on a day that you are feeling particularly No Nonsense, I'd call her & tell her that my DH thought your letter was such crap that he threw it in the trash & spared me from the drama but I'm calling to ask you to have the balls to say to me what you wrote in the note. Then tell her to shove her head up her as & lose your address & phone number.


    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 7:58 PM on Apr. 5, 2013

  • i would get the letter.. and have someone read it to me.. and if its as bad as he says ill confront the cousin.

    Answer by chrstny88 at 7:48 PM on Apr. 5, 2013

  • That letter was meant for you. You should be able to know what someone meant to tell you.

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 7:53 PM on Apr. 5, 2013

  • Why is your cousin writing you a note if your cousin knows you can't see??

    Answer by Crafty26 at 8:34 PM on Apr. 5, 2013

  • Ok, I am going to ask the question. Why don't you read print? You can type words?

    He has no right doing that. He is controllng you.

    Answer by louise2 at 8:01 PM on Apr. 5, 2013

  • I wouldn't say he's protecting you I would say he is controlling you!

    Answer by momofne at 11:02 PM on Apr. 5, 2013

  • I think he probably meant well but he needs to be told that it is NOT up to him to decide what you can and cannot know about. You asked him to read your mail to you NOT to filter it. You are a grown woman and not a child that needs to be protected.

    I'd be wondering what else he has filtered out ...

    Answer by winterglow at 5:20 AM on Apr. 6, 2013

  • The letter was for you, regardless of whether or not you will like what it says. I'd tell him that, despite his good intentions, it's not his to throw away, and if he won't read it to you, you'll call your cousin and find out. And follow through.

    Answer by SWasson at 8:23 PM on Apr. 5, 2013

  • If you wanted it read to you word for word, then that is your right. Just tell him that and ask him to get the letter back out just read it to you or you will nag him forever! Then, ask about it repetitively until he gets the point. I think he was trying to protect you, too, but that doesn't mean you still don't have the right to know. How many times have I heard people say, "I did it for your own good"? And it was never for their own good but out of their own personal reasons. It makes you wonder what else has been hidden from you. Boundaries have to be respected. It is a part of life to work through issues and build resilience. He can't protect you from everything.

    Answer by hellokittykat at 11:14 PM on Apr. 5, 2013

  • I think he is protecting you and he can't be violating your privacy because you asked him to read it.
    If you truely want to know get the note from the trash when he isn't looking and find someone to read it to you or wait until he is not at home and call or email the cousin. Aske her to email you in the future because as she knows you can not read a letter.
    But if you do that I think you might shield him from you reaction to what was said.
    I hate being in situations like that.

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:07 AM on Apr. 6, 2013