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What would you call this?

What would would you call a person who can't seem to let go...
Examples:
Having a best friend since high school. Says they don't want to be around that person because they're a bad influence. But yet, is always around that person.
A casual friend, they try to get in touch with every now and then, although they haven't seen that person in years.
A dad who never calls or texts, yet wants to get in touch.
An ex who has a family after their split, yet wants to stay in touch.

What do you call someone like this? Is this an issue? I mean the thing with me is.... Once I lose touch with someone, it's done. I don't go reaching for them. Or once I see a friendship is no good, I let it go.

Thoughts? :)

Answer Question
 
StepMom2011

Asked by StepMom2011 at 1:24 AM on Apr. 6, 2013 in Relationships

Level 6 (137 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • The casual friend, I call normal. Most of the charm of Facebook in the beginning was the ability to contact those casual friends. Dad? Mine would never have texted. And would prefer to SEE someone than to call. In my world the dad is ALSO normal.

    The ex is ALSO normal in my world; my FIL's ex was still his friend after they split. They could be friends but not spouses.

    The first case is the abnormal one. Hanging around someone even if you think they're a bad influence is plain stupid. So I agree that when you see a friendship is no good, it should be let go.

    But to me it's sad to consider something "done" when you lose touch with someone. My parents' best friends in their final years were people they'd lost touch with and reconnected with through a third party. Finding them was one of the greatest joys they had. And for me, to find an old friend after years apart is a great joy. To be continued...
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:35 AM on Apr. 6, 2013

  • Cont'd...

    A story about finding an old friend..

    In 1998 I was part of the CBS News support team at the Olympics. Two days after arriving in Nagano, I ran into a photographer whom I'd worked with a few years before. We hadn't seen each other in years, and I still remember how much we laughed to find each other halfway around the world from home! He was one of the first people I reconnected with on Facebook when I first joined it.

    **shrug** Maybe it's an age thing. As I get older, the old friends become more and more important to me. This weekend I'll be seeing the woman who was one of my two best friends in high school, 30 years ago. She's going to be in my area for business so we're getting together. We're no longer close, either geographically or philosophically or even in experiences... her kids are all grown and gone, while my son's just entered the teen years. But links to who we were are so important to us now.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:41 AM on Apr. 6, 2013

  • Honestly, I don't see anything abnormal about the situations you described except the first one. I wouldn't hang around someone who was a bad inluence on me, no matter how close we had once been. But then, I'm not terribly susceptible to peer pressure as a grown adult, either. I've kept in touch with a couple of exes--I've been called weird for it, but it works for me. Unless someone has done something that could seriously harm my family, like a former dear friend who called CPS on me to get revenge on behalf of my boyfriend's ex wife, who she didn't even know personally, because he made a baby with me while still married to her--revenge the ex wife wasn't seeking, I might add--I don't ever consider a person off limits to speak to again. I might not make an effort to get in touch or particularly need contact, but if it happens, why not? Something drew me to that person in the first place.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 1:55 AM on Apr. 6, 2013

  • Having a best friend since high school. Says they don't want to be around that person because they're a bad influence. But yet, is always around that person. A person caught in the trap of what always has been, like an addiction.

    A casual friend, they try to get in touch with every now and then, although they haven't seen that person in years. A person who likes to keep up on even casual friends, a person who feels each relationship deeply

    A dad who never calls or texts, yet wants to get in touch. A person who sees that maybe they have not been the best at keeping in touch but sees that they are missing that relationship. I call it a wake up call

    An ex who has a family after their split, yet wants to stay in touch Ex boyfriend: curious. Ex husband not so much since he had a life with you that he invested in at least at the beginning. If you have children together , even more normal.

    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 2:26 AM on Apr. 6, 2013

  • If I see a friendship is no good for me then I cut it off cold and I am able to do that. Not that I do not think about that relationship but that I will cut off all contact.

    Generally, though, if someone is willing to make the effort o reach out to me, I feel that I have the time to accept the gesture and listen.
    JMO
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 2:29 AM on Apr. 6, 2013

  • I think the dad is a completely different situation. That's family, and not letting go of your children is a good thing - maybe he should be trying harder, but at least if he's making an effort, that counts for something in my book (of course, I say this as a woman whose ex makes no attempt at all to be in the lives of their children).

    The casual friend - seems perfectly fine and normal to me. You're friends, you can't always get together, but at least they're making an effort to keep the friendship up, even if you don't see each other.

    The best friend since high school - okay, yeah, that one is obviously someone with issues. I've got friends that I've known since high school, but if I thought they were bad influences, I'd drop them like hot potatoes. But some people aren't as strong.

    The ex - I guess it would depend. If they have children together, then it would be fine to stay in touch. If not, kinda seems odd.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:55 AM on Apr. 6, 2013

  • contradictor
    smiley745

    Answer by smiley745 at 3:36 PM on Apr. 6, 2013

  • It sounds to me like someone who has caring feelings & wants connections.

    The wanting a connection is the key thing.

    I would imagine (re: ambivalence about the best friend) the person can reflect objectively that there are issues of some kind that could be "resolved" by not being around the person, but that doesn't mean they dislike the friend or don't value the relationship. Sometimes, those comments get made when a friend or partner is pointing out why this person SHOULDN'T hang out with the long-time best friend. Someone who feels coerced might admit that those points/criticisms are correct ("yes, you're right," "I know, he's not a good influence, I really shouldn't spend so much time with him") but still "undermine" his/her stated intentions by doing exactly the OPPOSITE of what he/she claims to want. Often this kind of dynamic simply indicates an element of control/coercion (including from self) being resisted.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 9:06 AM on Apr. 7, 2013

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