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Who has kicked out young adult children and had success with that

i read advice about kicking out young adults children (18-20) who are disrepectful, lazy, ect. 'but really, how can they get a job that can support themselves? what if they are depressed, or have some special needs like ADHD. The hope of course is for them to 'grow up' and start working towards something, or to come back home and agree to obey the 'rules'. But has that happened to any kids?

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ilovedash

Asked by ilovedash at 7:34 AM on Apr. 7, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 2 (6 Credits)
Answers (19)
  • 'but really, how can they get a job that can support themselves? <<--- exactly... you are setting them up for major failure. In some cases they may not be able to and could end up doing things that are illegal just to survive!! And you would be the catalysis for that.

    what if they are depressed, or have some special needs like ADHD. <<<---- this makes that action of kicking them out even more irresponsible, even neglectful and disgraceful!!
    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 10:43 AM on Apr. 7, 2013

  • Eh, it's a tough subject. Anyone can find a job. Most people can go to school to ensure that they CAN get a good job. I believe that as a parent, you have to prepare your child for that. I know some parents who have an 18 year old at home who is sitting around watching TV and playing on the computer after he graduated because they didn't prepare him for what he should do. That's a no go in my family. You get a full time job and move out as soon as you get your own place, share with friends, or you go to school full time. If you choose school, I will let you live at home or you can move into the dorm.

    Last of job, lack of motivation is going to get you a lazy 40 year old still living at your house. Now, also, when they at my home, it's MY rules. That will get them moving out faster than anything else.

    Yes, it can be done. I have two daughters who have been out on their own since 19.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 10:59 AM on Apr. 7, 2013

  • That being said, they do not hate me. They are motivated and responsible.

    My one daughter is a single mom to two girls. I help her out in so many ways... even doing her laundry and cleaning her house when I can.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 10:59 AM on Apr. 7, 2013

  • Special needs? I have no clue. I never had to deal with that. Here in my town, we have a place where special needs people live all in the same apartment complex... perhaps something like that???
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 11:00 AM on Apr. 7, 2013

  • I appreciate all your help. You have to understand. My son is brilliant, top grades and SAT scores, got into top college. He had some emotional/focus issues, we gave him a coach (lots of money he never showed up to appts), spent money on a summer program to give him tools (he refused to do the work for that), So he's saying he wants to go to college, yet he was forced to withdraw cause he didn't atttend class (better than failing i guess)...so now he's at community college, but still refusing to do even the small amount of work needed to succeed. Refusing to actively look for a job or a volunteer job....so he goes to class, (with me reminding him), a few other small things but most of the time he's on the internet doing nothing. He's supposed to see someone to help him once a week but refusing that too. So i took his 'toys' away, computer and cell and now he's just in bed claiming unless I give them back he wont' even go
    ilovedash

    Comment by ilovedash (original poster) at 11:10 AM on Apr. 7, 2013

  • to class...he's manipulative....wants to do nothing and get supported. Its catch 22...doing this is making him more depressed...but maybe he has to realize we won't support him unless he obeys by our rules which includes working, schoolwork and otherwise.
    ilovedash

    Comment by ilovedash (original poster) at 11:11 AM on Apr. 7, 2013

  • It sounds to me you have done a lot for him. And he still does not want to get better or help himself. Time to cut the apron strings. Give him a time to move out.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 11:32 AM on Apr. 7, 2013

  • don't back down. tell him that if he wants access to the net then he has to complete X number hours of counseling and maintain a 2.5 gpa or higher for X number of days.

    also You may want to look into counseling for yourself. it may help you decide the best method to deal with his issues and help you resolve any feelings of guilt in the event you do decide to kick him out.
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 1:16 PM on Apr. 7, 2013

  • Im going threw the same thing. I get so mad becasue I have the lazy socialist. NO chores, Sleeps if his friends are not around. Lives in filth and when he is awake i have to hear how great he thinks he is. Tonight Im locked up in my room hiding from the 10 kids he brought over simply becasue Im sick of always chasing the kids out with a broom like a crazy lady. I get so tired of being the crazy lady.

    I think kicking him out and letting him see how good he had it would do good. His father believes that he should not get kicked out and says im being to hard. Hes my step son ish so there is feelings coming off dad towards me cause im aka hard ass... not tonight hard ass is hiding in her room sick of it.
    Mibarra

    Answer by Mibarra at 2:10 AM on Apr. 10, 2013

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