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How do explain to my father in law thats its just not what I want?

Before I got married, I lived with my fiance for quite awhile, however even though I was on birth control, I got pregnant. I was having quite a bit of trouble with the pregnancy, and my FIL who is a minister asked when we were going to get married. So we decided that we would get married in August, and that all went well. However They live 4 hours from my mom. My husband ended up having to get his tonsils out, and his crappy job fired him because he hadnt been there a year to get medical leave. So they said that we could come stay with them, while he didnt have a job, Well I had my baby in December, and I love her to death. And I love my husband. My baby has been co sleeping with me since day one. and my father in law found out about it in the beginning, and said that it was dangerous and gave me a dirty look. so we got a cradle and said she was sleeping in it. even though she wasnt. however the cradle was not all that good

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:14 PM on Feb. 16, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • continued from top....the cradle fell apart, so we took it out of our room. Well he just found out that she is still sleeping next to me and gave me another dirty look but didnt say anything about it. That was a few das ago. now today i changed my room around a bit, to make space because the cramped room was driving me nutz and making me depressed. Well i happened to leave my door open, and he's like "oh nice, you changed your room around.." at first I thought he was just being friendly, so i was like yeah theres more room. but then he was like oh good, you can bring her crib up now.

    Answer by Rebekahs_Mommy at 6:17 PM on Feb. 16, 2009

  • I could feel my cheeks start to go red, and I didnt say anything. And he just walked away. How do I tell him that Im not ready for her to move to her own bed? My mother in law knows and she backs me up 100%, but he always gives me nasty looks about it. He is really nice other wise, its just this one issue. How can I tell him without offending him that its none of his business?

    Answer by Rebekahs_Mommy at 6:18 PM on Feb. 16, 2009

  • You don't have to say anything. It's your decision and frankly not his business whether you co-sleep with your baby or not. Next time he's makes another opinion like that..just say.."thank for your concern." and leave it at that. You do what is best for you and your child and not what other people think.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:18 PM on Feb. 16, 2009

  • If you want to co-sleep tell him that this is what you have chosen to do for your child, there is nothing wrong with co-sleeping, unfortunately there is a genereation out there that still believes in many of the hands off approaches to child rearing. I have been there but i just stood my ground, i breastfed till 3 years with 2 of my kids you cant imagine how i got treated by family for that, we have a family bed with our youngest still, we have always been very hands on parents and my inlaws say we are hovering and spoiling, amazingly my children are better adjusted and better behaved than the rest of the grand kids.

    Answer by 3_ring_circus_ at 6:22 PM on Feb. 16, 2009

  • yep, none of his business, whatsoever but since you want to end the dirty looks I suggest maybe seeing if you can find some literature regarding the benefits of co-sleeping and give it to him. tell him you have weighed the risks and benefits and made the choice that you feel is best for you and baby.


    Answer by LuckyClown at 6:23 PM on Feb. 16, 2009

  • He is so confusing on one hand he can be really nice, and sometimes hes like a sneaky jerk. You dont really know hes being an asshole until you think about what he said. When I was pregnant, every time I got back from my doctors apartment he would be like "So are you pregnant? and laugh. Well no shit shirlock. I dont like complaining about him because he is nice enough to let us stay. BUT I JUST WANT TO GET MY OWN PLACE I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE! but the economy is crap where i live and people keep getting laid off, and my husband is having a hard time getting a job even though hes applied to like 10 diff places.

    Answer by Rebekahs_Mommy at 6:23 PM on Feb. 16, 2009

  • Well said Anon 5:18

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:23 PM on Feb. 16, 2009

  • I just saw your reply about you MIL, if she supports you then go to her for support on this tell her how he makes you feel, you would be amazed at the power of a MIL against a FIL lol.

    Answer by 3_ring_circus_ at 6:23 PM on Feb. 16, 2009

  • You're all in his house. He is going to know everything you do. He can't keep his nose out of it.

    Priority one is: MOVE OUT!

    You and your DH and DD are a family and have a right to do things how you wish. That being said, it is your father in law's home you are all in and he will make comments on everything you all do or don't. That is not going to stop, no matter if you tell him you don't want to do something or not. So if you stay, get used to his dirty looks and comments about co sleeping. What's next?

    Scrape together every bit of money you can as fast as you can(sell stuff even) and move as soon as possible. Independence is good. Now you know why.

    I'm speaking from personal experience. I lived with my husband's family for the first year we were married. They ate our food, made messes I had to clean up, let my pet out (who died) and even moved strangers into the home. It was hell and nearly caused our divorce

    Answer by timelessglass at 6:33 PM on Feb. 16, 2009

  • timeless, i really want to move out, but with no job how are we going to pay rent each month? but my husband says that as soon as he gets a job we are outta there. but how long will that take? he has already applied everywhere and no call backs yet!

    Answer by Rebekahs_Mommy at 6:56 PM on Feb. 16, 2009

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