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MY FATHER LEFT MY MOM WHEN I WAS 3 MONTHS OLD ......

I HAD TRIED TO FIND HIM I COULD GET NO WHERE MY DAUGHTER TOOK OVER THE SEARCH A FEW YEARS AGO WE FOUND WHERE HE LIVED IN CALIF.BUT HE HAD DIED,THINGS WENT SHE KEPT DIGGING SHE CAME FOUND OUT I HAVE TWO SISTERS BY MY DAD THEY DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT ME EITHER,SO WE HAVE CHATTED NOW THEY ARE COMING TO GEORGIA TO SEE ME I HAVE MIXED FEELINGS THEY WERE RAISED BY A DAD THAT LEFT MOM AND ME BUT RAISED THEM I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO ASKING THEM QUESTIONS ABOUT HIM...NOW NO ONE HERE UNDERSTANDS HOW I FEEL HEARING HOW GREAT A DAD HE WAS TO THEM QUESTION HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL?

Answer Question
 
suckie

Asked by suckie at 1:31 PM on Apr. 7, 2013 in Relationships

Level 6 (121 Credits)
Answers (24)
  • is your caps lock key stuck?
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 1:33 PM on Apr. 7, 2013

  • Think of this meeting as a family reunion, no matter who raised who your blood relatives, work on the rest as you go....one day at a time.....
    older

    Answer by older at 1:38 PM on Apr. 7, 2013

  • You're supposed to fel however you feel. Feelings are never right or wrong. It's what you DO about them that matters.

    If you want to feel sad, that's fine. If you want to feel angry, that's fine. If you want to feel nothing, that's fine too. IF you want to feel happy for them, that's also fine.

    Anything you feel is fine.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:38 PM on Apr. 7, 2013

  • I think you should just play it by ear. Listen to what they have to say and try not to be judgemental of him. I think it's great taht you've found a new family!
    winterglow

    Answer by winterglow at 1:38 PM on Apr. 7, 2013

  • Maybe convey an understanding that you have some resentment towards him for leaving and choosing to not have anything to do with you and that you are still very hurt by it when you think of him. Tell them that you are interested in getting to know them apart from your paternal connection. If they don't get the subtlety of your words, then when they bring up happy times suggesting that he was a loving and attentive father, then just put in a few words that this wasn't the experience you had with him and that it's hurtful to hear how wonderful he was when that is not the man you know of. Try to shy away from saying it in an offensive manner as this will put them on the defense and will put up a wall and may very well hinder future communication.

    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 1:39 PM on Apr. 7, 2013

  • Stop yelling!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:49 PM on Apr. 7, 2013

  • You need to keep an open mind. They probably will know him differently then you. What did your mom say about him?
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 2:02 PM on Apr. 7, 2013

  • thanks for all your comments it has helped a lot thanks....suckie
    suckie

    Comment by suckie (original poster) at 2:02 PM on Apr. 7, 2013

  • MY MOM SAID HE GOT UP ONE MORNING SAID HE WAS GOING TO STORE AND NEVER CAME BACK NOTHING NOT A WORD.I WOULD UNDERSTAND IF HE JUST LEFT MOM BUT WHY ME A BABY. HE ALSO CHANGED HIS NAME MARRIED AGAIN HAD TWO MORE GIRLS THEY DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME GO FIGURE
    suckie

    Comment by suckie (original poster) at 2:31 PM on Apr. 7, 2013

  • Maybe while establishing the reasons and gravity of your search for your father, mention your feelings (again, in a diplomatic way so as to not put them on the defense) by stating that you were hoping to get some answers and to reconnect with him, that it was sad and a disappointment to find out that he was no longer living, but that finding out that you had siblings was the bright spot. Try to focus on them as individuals like you would when meeting a new friend. Their paternal experience was likely vastly different than yours, but they should not have to feel guilty or defensive about something they had no control over.

    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 2:37 PM on Apr. 7, 2013

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