I HAD TRIED TO FIND HIM I COULD GET NO WHERE MY DAUGHTER TOOK OVER THE SEARCH A FEW YEARS AGO WE FOUND WHERE HE LIVED IN CALIF.BUT HE HAD DIED,THINGS WENT SHE KEPT DIGGING SHE CAME FOUND OUT I HAVE TWO SISTERS BY MY DAD THEY DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT ME EITHER,SO WE HAVE CHATTED NOW THEY ARE COMING TO GEORGIA TO SEE ME I HAVE MIXED FEELINGS THEY WERE RAISED BY A DAD THAT LEFT MOM AND ME BUT RAISED THEM I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO ASKING THEM QUESTIONS ABOUT HIM...NOW NO ONE HERE UNDERSTANDS HOW I FEEL HEARING HOW GREAT A DAD HE WAS TO THEM QUESTION HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL?Answer Question
Answer by feralxat at 1:33 PM on Apr. 7, 2013
Answer by older at 1:38 PM on Apr. 7, 2013
Answer by gdiamante at 1:38 PM on Apr. 7, 2013
Answer by winterglow at 1:38 PM on Apr. 7, 2013
Maybe convey an understanding that you have some resentment towards him for leaving and choosing to not have anything to do with you and that you are still very hurt by it when you think of him. Tell them that you are interested in getting to know them apart from your paternal connection. If they don't get the subtlety of your words, then when they bring up happy times suggesting that he was a loving and attentive father, then just put in a few words that this wasn't the experience you had with him and that it's hurtful to hear how wonderful he was when that is not the man you know of. Try to shy away from saying it in an offensive manner as this will put them on the defense and will put up a wall and may very well hinder future communication.
Answer by QuinnMae at 1:39 PM on Apr. 7, 2013
Answer by Anonymous at 1:49 PM on Apr. 7, 2013
Answer by louise2 at 2:02 PM on Apr. 7, 2013
Maybe while establishing the reasons and gravity of your search for your father, mention your feelings (again, in a diplomatic way so as to not put them on the defense) by stating that you were hoping to get some answers and to reconnect with him, that it was sad and a disappointment to find out that he was no longer living, but that finding out that you had siblings was the bright spot. Try to focus on them as individuals like you would when meeting a new friend. Their paternal experience was likely vastly different than yours, but they should not have to feel guilty or defensive about something they had no control over.
Answer by QuinnMae at 2:37 PM on Apr. 7, 2013