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Spend the night question

My daughter is rather shy and hard to make friends. She has become friends with this sweet girl who spent the night with us this past weekend. My problem is she lives with her single dad. The thought in the back of my mind is how I am going to react when my daughter wants to spend the night with only her and her single dad. Am I just overreacting or should this really be a concern? Her age is 12 BTW.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:32 PM on Apr. 8, 2013 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (12)
  • That is not something I would be comfortable with

    Answer by Dardenella at 2:35 PM on Apr. 8, 2013

  • so you are pretty much saying that single fathers are prevs and untrustworthy?

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 2:39 PM on Apr. 8, 2013

  • I would not permit it. For one thing, you haven't known these people long enough to know whether the dad is someone with whom you can trust your child. I would pre-empt the request by explaining to her that she is welcome to have her new friend over to your home, but that you are not comfortable with her going to their house. You don't even have to give a reason unless you are asked for one. Twelve is a very "tender" age, and I would not for anything risk having someone ruin what is left of her childhood. That might not be a risk here, but I don't think there's any way that you can know for certain that it is not. He's probably a nice man if he has custody of his daughter, but you can't know that for sure. So I just would not take any chances and I would be polite but firm about it. If there is nothing amiss, I would expect the dad to fully understand should it become necessary to explain my feelings to him.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:40 PM on Apr. 8, 2013

  • LostSoul- I was molested all through my teen years and the thought of a slim possibility of my daughter going through it makes me feel sick.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:44 PM on Apr. 8, 2013

  • It could happen even if you send her to a house with a mother and father. Or even a single mother maybe with an older male child. You can't assume. Get to know him before you judge him.

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 2:48 PM on Apr. 8, 2013

  • I really don't care if I am overprotective. Sleepovers are something I am not comfortable with, regardless of who the parents of the other child are, if they are a couple, a single parent, whatever.

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 2:49 PM on Apr. 8, 2013

  • LostSoul- When it comes to my kids I will take extra measures. That's all I'm saying.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:50 PM on Apr. 8, 2013

  • I have thought about that a lot. My dd has her friends spend the night quite a bit, but only here and never to her dad's house. I would have to know the father quite well to allow that and I would make sure she had a cell phone with her in her bag so she could call if she felt at all uncomfortable at any time for any reason. Maybe you could invite her and her dad out to supper with you and your family to get to know him a little, then start with letting her go to her friends house for a "1/2 sleepover" from 6 pm-10 pm (saying that your family has something to go to early the next morning) and progress gradually from there.
    Something could just as easily happen with her at a friends house whose parents are married - after the mom goes to sleep. It's tough.

    Answer by missanc at 2:50 PM on Apr. 8, 2013

  • Invite them to dinner so you can get to know the dad. That's what we did with DD's best friend in the 1st and 2nd grades. We got to know both mom and dad separately (they were divorced.) It is was fine. The dad lived close by and when it was his week the girls were always back and forth, switching houses.

    Answer by balagan_imma at 2:53 PM on Apr. 8, 2013

  • Missanc- I know it can happen anywhere, anytime. But like you said with just a man it's a tough decision. I haven't said that I won't let it happen, just something to think about.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:56 PM on Apr. 8, 2013

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