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2 Bumps

Dating after not dating for over a decade

So, I'm going to be brave & not post this question anon, mainly b/c I'm hoping that at least a few of you will identify with me.

I've been divorced for 2.5 years now & I realize that I need to put myself out there but, it's really scary for me. I haven't actually "dated" since 1998. I had a couple of, I guess, "flings", with ex-boyfriends since divorcing but, nothing serious or with anyone new. I guess it's the new part that frightens me, there's a comfort in knowing someone, knowing their flaws & having them know yours. Plus, with my ex's I didn't have to follow dating protocol, whatever the hell it is now.

So, I join this social site, I get random messages & anytime I answer one, it's immediately like "wanna text"? And, I feel like "Whoa back off". Is that normal, to just text random strangers? It feels just so rushed & wrong so, I haven't done it yet. Like, I said, I'm scared. I guess I'm afraid of meeting a horrible person, being rejected, wasting my time & etc, you name it. But, yet I'm tired of spending my child-free weekends alone. I'm not looking to get married but, I don't just want to be a random booty call. Is there any romance left at all?

How do you ladies get through this? What steps should I be taking to meet a quality person? What can I do to feel less afraid?


Asked by 3libras at 2:58 PM on Apr. 8, 2013 in Relationships

Level 51 (427,020 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • This could have been me posting this 2 yrs ago. I was married for 12 yrs and have now been divorced for over 2 yrs. I had absolutely no idea how to go about dating outside of highschool. There really wasn't anyone at my church or work that I was interested in. I tried hinting to a few guys that I thought perhaps maybe, but that didn't work. I finally gave up and joined every online dating site I could find. It was a very lonely, kid-free weekend. After going thru countless profiles and sending a few winks (or whatever they called it), I sat back and waited. I did get some response but the majority of them only wanted sex. I gave up. After about 3 months went by, I received an email from one of the guys I had sent a wink to. He had been in the process of moving, starting a new job and being sick. He just didn't want me to think he was blowing me off. We have now been together for 2 yrs and plan to marry soon.

    Answer by tempsingl3mom at 8:14 PM on Apr. 8, 2013

  • I feel your pain. I tried a few dating sites after my divorce. That was in the days before texting took over the world, but the whole thing still felt sort of rushed. Like, okay nice to meet you, we had dinner, can we cuddle? Um no, you're a stranger. I had pretty much sworn off looking for a serious relationship for good when I MET My boyfriend at a barbecue hosted by a mutual friend. Could you find a hobby, maybe something you've put on the back burner while your kids are small? Meeting someone while you're having fun doing what you enjoy might work out better than using an Internet site.

    I'm sure you know this, but if you do use a dating site, meet in a public place. Tell someone where you're going, and ask that person to safety call you at a certain time. That way if you don't answer the phone, or if you use a get-me-out-of-this code word you've set up, your friend can help you.

    Answer by Ballad at 3:07 PM on Apr. 8, 2013

  • I know nothing about this sort of stuff anymore.
    I will agree with Ballad, though and make sure you meet in safety and tell a friend when you are leaving the meeting place and how long it will take you to get home. Of course you know to take your own transportation to and from as well.
    I hope you meet someone nice and just have some fun.

    Answer by Dardenella at 3:27 PM on Apr. 8, 2013

  • No idea but I'm in the bit of the same predicament and this is a great question. I've been widowed for 8 years now and it's way past time for me to find someone, but it's tough with the kids and meeting anyone worth my time.

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 3:53 PM on Apr. 8, 2013

  • Have you checked out for groups that match your interests? It's safer than online dating because it's a mixed group, and you also might be able to make friends with a guy or two before you go on a "date." I met my husband when I went back to school. A lot of larger churches also have singles groups, but if I'm remembering correctly you aren't a churchgoer?
    But yes, texting is pretty safe but it's more like a conversation than emails so it's something a lot of people use.

    Answer by missanc at 4:20 PM on Apr. 8, 2013

  • I've noticed that because you can put information about yourself on these sites (I like to watch movies, my favorite music is rock, etc.) people seem to assume a certain sense of intimacy that isn't really there. They push for things to happen sooner, faster, because they feel like they "know" you.

    I've done those kinds of sites before, and in my experience, I've decided that they simply aren't worth it. I don't date at all right now, I am quite happy with my life as is, but if I meet someone in real life that there seems to be a mutual attraction with, and he asks me out, I would certainly be open to it. But the online thing? I won't say never again, but, well...almost never again. lol

    Answer by wendythewriter at 6:19 PM on Apr. 8, 2013

  • "I'm afraid of meeting a horrible person, being rejected, wasting my time & etc, you name it." -OP

    Well, all I can say from my own experience, on a dating site, and mind you it was about 10 years ago, any and all of those things may happen. (probably not the horrible person part, you are too smart for that) However, you will also have the excitement of anticipation and something to do and all of the good stuff that goes with dating, too. Give it a try, don't text, email at first if you'd rather, it's kind of easier to write more that way. It may also weed some out, which may not be a bad thing.
    That said, everybody texts now, I just wouldn't want someone to have my cell number right off the bat.
    GL and if this site doesn't work just keep living your life out there. You'll meet someone. I met DH on my way home from a horrible date with a former co-worker. It's a crazy world. lol. :)

    Answer by tessiedawg at 5:05 PM on Apr. 8, 2013

  • LOL, I saw your question earlier, and was unsure if my friend ditched the car dealer boyfriend who smokes pot 2 x's a year, she did, I am amazied, I may know your future husband, lol, but now things have gone south with me, and have been to busy to contact him, my husband thought he was amazing! I did too, btw.

    Answer by jerseydiva at 5:25 PM on Apr. 8, 2013

  • My very good friend has been dating a car dealer, who has no kids, was married briefly, and is a great catch! She is upset because he smokes pot 2x's a year when he has his buddies over for fun. Now not that rich has anything to do with it, but he owns 2 car dealerships, and has a lake home, and IMO was super nice, my friend drinks wine like a fish (lol no judgement). I thought you answered my question about why I thought she was on purpose finding fault with him, LOL
    But she did kick him to the curb, so he is available!!!!! LOL

    Answer by jerseydiva at 6:01 PM on Apr. 8, 2013

  • Is their a way for you to meet men, not on the internet.
    If I were single. And met men on the internet. I would meet them in public somewere.

    Answer by louise2 at 6:40 PM on Apr. 8, 2013