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4 Bumps

My husband wanted to make a toast at his daughter's wedding

He chose a wine for her wedding that was from a winery that he and his ex wife toured when she was pregnant with this daughter. The winery owner came out and made a big deal over her beauty and glowing quality with her pregnancy. My husband wanted to tell this story and wax poetic over it. I told him that is a beautiful and romantic memory of a story to tell to everyone IF HE WAS STILL MARRIED TO HER. Their marriage quickly became unhappy after the children and she ended the marriage with an affair and leaving for this other man when their kids were adults. I told him this toast would make me feel like chopped liver while also making the guests at the wedding think about the fact that he sounds like he's still in love with her while she was not with him and left him.

I know most of you will think I'm selfish for thinking of my own feelings. But he did change his mind when we spoke and will not be giving this speech. I spoke with his other adult daughter about it and she thought it was a nice memory but we agreed it would be a nicer story coming from her mom to her daughter. So the mom will tell the marrying daughter the same story at the wedding shower with all girls toasting with the same wine. Do you think it was off base for me to tell my husband I was uncomfortable with the content of the wedding toast?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:40 AM on Apr. 9, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (25)
  • that WOULD have been a little awkward

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 10:42 AM on Apr. 9, 2013

  • I think you are being selfish. This is HER wedding not yours. Now if the mother is already telling the same story then there is no point in telling it again but if she isn't I think its selfish and makes you look like a jealous fool if you ask him not to do it.

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 10:43 AM on Apr. 9, 2013

  • I agree with it is her big day not yours....

    Answer by older at 10:47 AM on Apr. 9, 2013

  • If you have no problem with the mom telling the story then you should have had no problem with him telling the story.

    Answer by Dardenella at 10:49 AM on Apr. 9, 2013

  • That day isn't about you. At all.

    Answer by Izsarejman at 10:54 AM on Apr. 9, 2013

  • I would not have liked it if I were in your shoes. Sure it is her day but one day can cause problems for you. So no you were not steppig out of line.

    Answer by Annasofia at 10:56 AM on Apr. 9, 2013

  • I really don't know. It may have felt awkward, but then again it might not have. It really is up to the bride, but her father should give a toast regardless of what it is.

    Answer by QuinnMae at 10:59 AM on Apr. 9, 2013

  • That story is about her... and it's her wedding, her day... not yours.

    Answer by Crafty26 at 11:10 AM on Apr. 9, 2013

  • I think it's a bad omen for divorced parents to tell a story like that. Not something I would want on my wedding day.

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 11:13 AM on Apr. 9, 2013

  • Like I said, if he were still married to the ex, it would have been beautiful. The story wasn't really about the daughter, it was a shared intimate moment between my husband and his ex wife. It placed a spotlight on their intimacy. Nice thing to do if they were still married. However, she humiliated her husband with a 5 year affair. I think it would be an embarrassment for everyone including me. I asked him not to mention it and he respected my request without even a hesitation. I have a good relationship with the ex wife and I still thought the toasting story was not good.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:37 AM on Apr. 9, 2013

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