He chose a wine for her wedding that was from a winery that he and his ex wife toured when she was pregnant with this daughter. The winery owner came out and made a big deal over her beauty and glowing quality with her pregnancy. My husband wanted to tell this story and wax poetic over it. I told him that is a beautiful and romantic memory of a story to tell to everyone IF HE WAS STILL MARRIED TO HER. Their marriage quickly became unhappy after the children and she ended the marriage with an affair and leaving for this other man when their kids were adults. I told him this toast would make me feel like chopped liver while also making the guests at the wedding think about the fact that he sounds like he's still in love with her while she was not with him and left him.
I know most of you will think I'm selfish for thinking of my own feelings. But he did change his mind when we spoke and will not be giving this speech. I spoke with his other adult daughter about it and she thought it was a nice memory but we agreed it would be a nicer story coming from her mom to her daughter. So the mom will tell the marrying daughter the same story at the wedding shower with all girls toasting with the same wine. Do you think it was off base for me to tell my husband I was uncomfortable with the content of the wedding toast?
Asked by Anonymous at 10:40 AM on Apr. 9, 2013 in Relationships
Answer by wendythewriter at 11:43 AM on Apr. 9, 2013
I think everyone would understand that those were happier times and that both you and your DH had a life before you met each other. That doesn't negate your relationship or marriage. It might make you feel a little awkward, but the story is about a happy time and how his daughter came to be. The story isn't as much about the ex wife as it is about the daughter and his story of her. If the story was about how happy and in love he was with the ex then I can see where the discomfort comes from. If it's about his dreams of his child to be's future and life and his place in her heart, then it's really a story about a father and daughter. It's nice that he is respecting your wishes, but hopefully it's not at a high cost to him. This only happens once. He should do what the bride is comfortable with.
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