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4 Bumps

My husband wanted to make a toast at his daughter's wedding

He chose a wine for her wedding that was from a winery that he and his ex wife toured when she was pregnant with this daughter. The winery owner came out and made a big deal over her beauty and glowing quality with her pregnancy. My husband wanted to tell this story and wax poetic over it. I told him that is a beautiful and romantic memory of a story to tell to everyone IF HE WAS STILL MARRIED TO HER. Their marriage quickly became unhappy after the children and she ended the marriage with an affair and leaving for this other man when their kids were adults. I told him this toast would make me feel like chopped liver while also making the guests at the wedding think about the fact that he sounds like he's still in love with her while she was not with him and left him.

I know most of you will think I'm selfish for thinking of my own feelings. But he did change his mind when we spoke and will not be giving this speech. I spoke with his other adult daughter about it and she thought it was a nice memory but we agreed it would be a nicer story coming from her mom to her daughter. So the mom will tell the marrying daughter the same story at the wedding shower with all girls toasting with the same wine. Do you think it was off base for me to tell my husband I was uncomfortable with the content of the wedding toast?

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:40 AM on Apr. 9, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (25)
  • Why this is a good story (as told by anyone) to toast his daughter's wedding is completely lost on me.
    She wasn't even born, the only people there at the time were a stranger and her parents, whose marriage failed. Really?
    Having the wine from the vineyard seems like a pinteresty device and doesn't add anything to the relevance.

    How about a story about her, the bride.

    Answer by tessiedawg at 1:23 PM on Apr. 9, 2013

  • Better than what I originally read the question as. Your husband should definitely not make a roast at a wedding. That can wait until he is back home.

    Answer by staciandababy at 2:19 PM on Apr. 9, 2013

  • I don't see how the story has anything to do with the daughter's wedding, so it's kind of puzzling to me as to why either one of them would want to share it. It's not about them and it's not about the wine--it's about good wishes for the daughter on her wedding day. What am I missing here?

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:34 PM on Apr. 9, 2013

  • Even if he was still married to the ex, it's not a great toast. Nice story for mom dad and child when it's just the three of them... but it's not a toast. Toasts should be short and sweet.

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:36 PM on Apr. 9, 2013

  • his toast does not sound like he is toasting his daughter...but his ex wife's pregnancy

    can he not find something to say/toast about his daughter after she was born
    making a toast at the wedding and chatting about her as a fetus is ODD at best (imo)

    the toast should be about the BRIDE, not a PREGNANT GLOWING EX WIFE (and the bride who was only a FETUS at the time)


    Answer by fiatpax at 1:37 PM on Apr. 10, 2013

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