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4 Bumps

My husband wanted to make a toast at his daughter's wedding

He chose a wine for her wedding that was from a winery that he and his ex wife toured when she was pregnant with this daughter. The winery owner came out and made a big deal over her beauty and glowing quality with her pregnancy. My husband wanted to tell this story and wax poetic over it. I told him that is a beautiful and romantic memory of a story to tell to everyone IF HE WAS STILL MARRIED TO HER. Their marriage quickly became unhappy after the children and she ended the marriage with an affair and leaving for this other man when their kids were adults. I told him this toast would make me feel like chopped liver while also making the guests at the wedding think about the fact that he sounds like he's still in love with her while she was not with him and left him.

I know most of you will think I'm selfish for thinking of my own feelings. But he did change his mind when we spoke and will not be giving this speech. I spoke with his other adult daughter about it and she thought it was a nice memory but we agreed it would be a nicer story coming from her mom to her daughter. So the mom will tell the marrying daughter the same story at the wedding shower with all girls toasting with the same wine. Do you think it was off base for me to tell my husband I was uncomfortable with the content of the wedding toast?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:40 AM on Apr. 9, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (25)
  • his toast does not sound like he is toasting his daughter...but his ex wife's pregnancy

    can he not find something to say/toast about his daughter after she was born
    making a toast at the wedding and chatting about her as a fetus is ODD at best (imo)

    the toast should be about the BRIDE, not a PREGNANT GLOWING EX WIFE (and the bride who was only a FETUS at the time)


    Answer by fiatpax at 1:37 PM on Apr. 10, 2013

  • Even if he was still married to the ex, it's not a great toast. Nice story for mom dad and child when it's just the three of them... but it's not a toast. Toasts should be short and sweet.

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:36 PM on Apr. 9, 2013

  • I don't see how the story has anything to do with the daughter's wedding, so it's kind of puzzling to me as to why either one of them would want to share it. It's not about them and it's not about the wine--it's about good wishes for the daughter on her wedding day. What am I missing here?

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:34 PM on Apr. 9, 2013

  • Better than what I originally read the question as. Your husband should definitely not make a roast at a wedding. That can wait until he is back home.

    Answer by staciandababy at 2:19 PM on Apr. 9, 2013

  • Why this is a good story (as told by anyone) to toast his daughter's wedding is completely lost on me.
    She wasn't even born, the only people there at the time were a stranger and her parents, whose marriage failed. Really?
    Having the wine from the vineyard seems like a pinteresty device and doesn't add anything to the relevance.

    How about a story about her, the bride.

    Answer by tessiedawg at 1:23 PM on Apr. 9, 2013

  • I can see how you would have felt awkward, but I would have left it up to the daughter who was getting married. Weddings would be a lot less stressful if people besides the bride and groom kept their own feelings and agendas out of the mix.

    Answer by Ballad at 12:52 PM on Apr. 9, 2013

  • The story isn't really about the daughter, it's about his ex "glowing".... Not appropriate.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 12:38 PM on Apr. 9, 2013

  • IMO the toast should be about the daughter, and her new life she's embarking on, not about what he and her mother were doing when she was pregnant with their daughter... It should be about how proud he is of her, etc.... I hate it when people make things about them, and not what it's supposed to be about.
    I think you're right in how you feel about it. It's selfish of him to make the toast about him, and his ex, it should only be about who he is toasting.

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 12:36 PM on Apr. 9, 2013

  • That is a memory of happier times for them something that has happened he should be allowed to tell the story because on her day this is the proof at one time her parents did love each other. This is a memory that has happened it is in the ether. This is not a bad story but a good memory.

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 12:30 PM on Apr. 9, 2013

  • I'm with you. I'm a second wife too. That would bother me and I understand how you feel. Glad he changed his mind about the toast.

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 12:23 PM on Apr. 9, 2013

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