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4 Bumps

My husband wanted to make a toast at his daughter's wedding

He chose a wine for her wedding that was from a winery that he and his ex wife toured when she was pregnant with this daughter. The winery owner came out and made a big deal over her beauty and glowing quality with her pregnancy. My husband wanted to tell this story and wax poetic over it. I told him that is a beautiful and romantic memory of a story to tell to everyone IF HE WAS STILL MARRIED TO HER. Their marriage quickly became unhappy after the children and she ended the marriage with an affair and leaving for this other man when their kids were adults. I told him this toast would make me feel like chopped liver while also making the guests at the wedding think about the fact that he sounds like he's still in love with her while she was not with him and left him.

I know most of you will think I'm selfish for thinking of my own feelings. But he did change his mind when we spoke and will not be giving this speech. I spoke with his other adult daughter about it and she thought it was a nice memory but we agreed it would be a nicer story coming from her mom to her daughter. So the mom will tell the marrying daughter the same story at the wedding shower with all girls toasting with the same wine. Do you think it was off base for me to tell my husband I was uncomfortable with the content of the wedding toast?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:40 AM on Apr. 9, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (25)
  • IMO the toast should be about the daughter, and her new life she's embarking on, not about what he and her mother were doing when she was pregnant with their daughter... It should be about how proud he is of her, etc.... I hate it when people make things about them, and not what it's supposed to be about.
    I think you're right in how you feel about it. It's selfish of him to make the toast about him, and his ex, it should only be about who he is toasting.

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 12:36 PM on Apr. 9, 2013

  • The story isn't really about the daughter, it's about his ex "glowing".... Not appropriate.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 12:38 PM on Apr. 9, 2013

  • I think you are being selfish. This is HER wedding not yours. Now if the mother is already telling the same story then there is no point in telling it again but if she isn't I think its selfish and makes you look like a jealous fool if you ask him not to do it.

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 10:43 AM on Apr. 9, 2013

  • Why this is a good story (as told by anyone) to toast his daughter's wedding is completely lost on me.
    She wasn't even born, the only people there at the time were a stranger and her parents, whose marriage failed. Really?
    Having the wine from the vineyard seems like a pinteresty device and doesn't add anything to the relevance.

    How about a story about her, the bride.

    Answer by tessiedawg at 1:23 PM on Apr. 9, 2013

  • I don't see how the story has anything to do with the daughter's wedding, so it's kind of puzzling to me as to why either one of them would want to share it. It's not about them and it's not about the wine--it's about good wishes for the daughter on her wedding day. What am I missing here?

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:34 PM on Apr. 9, 2013

  • I think it's a bad omen for divorced parents to tell a story like that. Not something I would want on my wedding day.

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 11:13 AM on Apr. 9, 2013

  • That story is about her... and it's her wedding, her day... not yours.

    Answer by Crafty26 at 11:10 AM on Apr. 9, 2013

  • that WOULD have been a little awkward

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 10:42 AM on Apr. 9, 2013

  • That day isn't about you. At all.

    Answer by Izsarejman at 10:54 AM on Apr. 9, 2013

  • So, the basic thrust of the story is "Your mom was so excited to be pregnant and have you that a complete stranger could tell", and you're jealous of that? You're jealous that he wants his grown daughter to know that she is and always has been loved? That's how it comes across to me.

    Unless he's going to stand there, saying "I wish we were still together because she was always so beautiful and gorgeous and wow, I miss those days", I don't really see it as a problem.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 11:43 AM on Apr. 9, 2013

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