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4 Bumps

Should I confront boyfriend

I have been living with this man for 3 yrs now. Our sex life was great at beginning but during the last 8 months or so it has dwindled to no sex and if there is any sex I am the one that initates it. He has completly stopped kissing me . I installed a keylogger on his laptop and have discovered that as soon as I leave our apartment he gets on porn sites. He deletes all history . He has been complaining to me that he has lost the ability to get an erection and thinks he should see a dr for a check-up. He says he has low testosterone he thinks. I am thinking he is only telling me this so I will not bother him for sex anymore. If he had no sex drive then I wouldnt think he would have a desire for porn. Also when I am working on wknds he has started to shave his pubic area.....why is this ? what is going on with him? Also I might add that he is 55 yrs old.


Asked by Anonymous at 11:37 PM on Apr. 9, 2013 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • Is there a web cam on his laptop?
    Answer by PartyGalAnne

    ^ agree
    sounds like he is getting it elsewhere, even if an internet hookup...he IS getting "it"
    IF he had low testosterone, and he can not get it up, he would not be on the porn sites
    shaving his privates is not bad- except when it is a new thing PLUS no sex for you
    he is shaving for someone

    maybe he should see a doc, but not for low testosterone, sounds like he has a porn issue
    watching some porn, or shaving your privates not a bad thing IF your real life sex life is still in tact (and his is not)

    he has a problem, it is not you, it is not you being unattractive (normal to feel that way- but not the fact)

    HUGS, a partner having porn addiction/sex issues is not easy on the other person (you), and very hard to overcome- as the person with the issues not willing to admit any issue

    Answer by fiatpax at 9:41 AM on Apr. 10, 2013

  • He has been complaining to me that he has lost the ability to get an erection and thinks he should see a dr for a check-up. <--- yeah... that's kind of a no brainer!!

    Maybe he's looking at the porn trying to "fix" his sex drive. He could also be shaving b/c he read somewhere that it will heighten sensitivity and help his issue. Be supportive, encourage him to see his doc ASAP!!! But, don't be a bitch about it or he will be done with you!!

    Answer by Crafty26 at 11:50 PM on Apr. 9, 2013

  • Encourage him to get an appointment with his doctor as soon as he can. If he really does have low testosterone, the problem isn't that hard to treat. I have a friend whose husband benefitted immensely from treatment--and so did she, I might add.

    Answer by Ballad at 11:53 PM on Apr. 9, 2013

  • Is there a web cam on his laptop?

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 11:47 PM on Apr. 9, 2013

  • 55 is approximate age for men to have a low sex drive. He's probably hoping by watching porn, it'll help him regain his manlihood. This is super sensitive to men and the last thing he wants to do is disappoint you because he's unable to get an erection.
    He needs to know that he's important to you and you need to encourage him to see a Dr for his low testosterone.
    It's not you, it's him...hug him and tell him you love him, get him in to see his Dr and you'll see a whole new man!

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 12:17 AM on Apr. 10, 2013

  • Porn addiction will do that do his sex drive. Look it up. There's lots of studies that find that men who get addicted to porn get so lost in the virtual sex and unreal expectations of sex that real sex no longer satisfies them. He may have started watching to try to bring it back out of panic, but now the addiction has taken over. Encourage him to see a doctor about getting on some Viagra pills and also educate him on the negative effects of watching porn. Tell him that next time he has the urge, to let you know. You may have to initiate more.


    Answer by hellokittykat at 1:50 AM on Apr. 10, 2013

  • Yes, he should see his doctor.

    As much as it makes you suspicious, in this case it's pretty likely there is actually a medical problem and he's trying to self-treat.

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:34 AM on Apr. 10, 2013

  • "Recent behavioral addiction research suggests that the loss of libido and performance occur because heavy users are numbing their brain's normal response to pleasure...However, for men with porn-induced erectile dysfunction, the weak link is not the penis, but rather the desensitized dopamine system in the brain...In the last decade or so, addiction researchers have discovered that too much dopamine stimulation has a paradoxical effect. The brain decreases its ability to respond to dopamine signals (desensitization). This occurs with all addictions, both chemical and natural. In some porn users, the response to dopamine is dropping so low that they can't achieve an erection without constant hits of dopamine via the Internet."


    Answer by hellokittykat at 1:54 AM on Apr. 10, 2013

  • When we go out together I do notice him looking at other women , all of this has started to take a major toll on me. I feel so unattractive and alone now.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:58 PM on Apr. 9, 2013

  • Maybe he has an std he doesn't want to give you.

    Answer by staciandababy at 1:53 AM on Apr. 10, 2013