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I think my 7 year old son really does not like me...

We have a 7 year old son, who is an only child, so needless to say he is the center of our world! I tend to be the disciplinarian, and I admit that I'm very protective over him. I even quit my job to become a stay at home mom almost a year ago. I have devoted my entire life to him and my husband. My husband on the other hand, is the playful parent, he's the fun one. I was raised the only child of a single parent, so I never really learned how to "play" as a child. My son and I are a lot alike, he is outgoing, outspoken, and very stubborn. I try hard to be a good mom to him, but inevitably, we butt heads a lot! Basically,I'm the bad cop all the time unless he makes my husband mad (which is not often). Our son has recently started lashing out at me, giving me attitude, sass talking me, today he even told me I scare him sometimes. He said I scare him because he says I yell at him a lot, and in his opinion, it's when he hasn't even done anything wrong. I just wonder why he is acting this way, and why it's always me he lashes out at. Does anyone else feel this way or have any words of wisdom for a very discouraged mommy?

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Asked by Kalibsmommy86 at 9:22 PM on Apr. 11, 2013 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 3 (15 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • I would say he is getting to the age where they all talk back but keep you head up it will get better try to relax more and have some fun with your son GoodLuck :)

    Answer by Shaketa123 at 9:43 PM on Apr. 11, 2013

  • You and your husband need to get on the same page where discipline is concerned. Since you have a son, it is all the more important that the discipline is at least backed up by Dad. We had two sons, and I was at home with them, so like you, most of the discipline fell to me. But the difference is that I had the backing of their dad, and when they got older, it was sometimes necessary for me just to tell them that this matter would be handled by Dad when he got home from work. And, he did handle it. One reason you may be getting attitude is to see if he is able to intimidate you into backing off. And you should not have to yell. You and his dad simply make rules, establish consequences for breaking those rules and then follow through. Your son disrespects you because his father doesn't back you up, and he needs to see that he is doing both you and your son a disservice by allowing this behavior to continue.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:45 PM on Apr. 11, 2013

  • My mom wasn't a very good role model when it came to playing or having fun, either. But I made a conscious effort to parent differently because I didn't like how it felt the way she raised me. Could you try for, say one week, to deliberately play with your son and not yell at him? See if that improves things.

    Count to ten before you open your mouth. Seriously, it works. I'm not perfect by any means, but I don't want my daughter growing up with memories of a ranting and raving maniac mom like I have, so I refuse to be one.

    Loosen up, have fun. You're a sahm, you have time here and there. Have a pillow fight and tickle your son till you both are out of breath from laughing. Blow bubbles. Make homemade Popsicles. Do playdough. Cuddle up on the couch and watch a movie. Let him trace your body in sidewalk chalk. You'll be a lot more rewarded as a mom if you have some laughs to balance out the discipline duties.

    Answer by Ballad at 9:46 PM on Apr. 11, 2013

  • You know, my DS pushes my buttons more than DH's. I think he knows what he can get away with and is constantly pushing the boundaries. He feels safer talking back to me than his father, but he also knows that we will talk things through and at the end of the day he knows I love him more than words can express.

    Answer by QuinnMae at 9:50 PM on Apr. 11, 2013

  • It is an interesting age. They are no longer babies but not big kids either. They see kids on TV and they want to be older but they are afraid of it too. A fun age, yeah right. On top of that you household is unbalanced. You discipline and hubby is the get away with it guy.
    You and he need to sit down and talk about somethings. He does not have to be the total diciplinarian but he does need to be a parent the sets and respects the limits that you both come up with together. Just because you were and only child and had a single parent does not mean you can not or did not play. You may have forgotten but that does not mean you can not start. You will get better the more you do it. Neither of you should focus your whole world around your son. It gives him a false perception of the world. You need to do things for yourselves as a couple and as individuals.

    Answer by Dardenella at 10:32 PM on Apr. 11, 2013

  • He's fine. He's open with you about his feelings. If he feels scared of you then ask him to tell you the next time it happens. Learning isn't just for children. We parents can learn as well. My youngest daughter told me I scared her when she was about 10. I was shocked! I had no idea but we were able to work through it. She helped me become a better and more effective parent. Your son can help you be a better communicator so you don't seem like the Bad Cop all the time. Btw, it helps to lighten up sometimes. Pick your battles. Take some time off from him. Let him get a better balance of adult perspectives and not just you and dad.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:02 PM on Apr. 11, 2013

  • He takes it out on you because you are around more. Your husband works, I assume. It sounds like you are taking this way too personally and that you're even jealous of your husband. You had to have played with other kids at some point in your life. Think back to when you did. If you really can't recall anything, look up videos on youtube. See how other parents do it. Take your kid to the park/playground where other kids and parents are around and observe how they do it. He's a kid, he's not going to be perfect and you can't have so many rules either. He needs to have fun. He's telling you to give him some space. Even adults can't be around one another for too long before they need some space. I think you should get a part-time job to fill some time and let him play with his friends more. And for 1 week, try not saying anything negative to him at all and only praise the good things he does. When he gets bored, he'll look for u

    Answer by hellokittykat at 11:13 PM on Apr. 11, 2013

  • One tip is to just start doing your own crafts and projects. If he's interested, he'll want to join in. It's a no-pressure tactic. For example, you can start building a bird house or a bird treat feeder. Start making hand-made holiday gifts in advance and work on them a little throughout the year. Make tie-dye t-shirts. Learn a kid's video game (young boys seem to like Super Mario games or Wii interactive games like Rayman's Rabbids). Get the Dance Dance Revolution game. It's fun and doubles as a good workout. Look up crafts and activities for kids online and just try a project. Some boys just don't like to do things with their mom and identify with the male figure more. It's natural b/c they want to be more adult like and don't want to be treated as a baby. Learn to be more of a tomboy and think like a boy, not a mom.

    Answer by hellokittykat at 11:23 PM on Apr. 11, 2013

  • Why he's acting that way--I think he is communicating, being open with his reactions (both verbally & his negative emotional reactions.) Sometimes those behaviors basically act out the feeling of, "I don't feel very respected," or simply "I didn't like that," "This is a major bummer." If we can't see their reactions for what they are--honest feedback from emotionally immature creatures who are learning emotional regulation & also are sensitive, and have no reason to think that how they honestly feel isn't important or "shouldn't" be communicated--we often misinterpret reality & end up rejecting or resisting their communication as wrong, because it is so triggering. But if instead of punishing or reacting to the expression, we can respond by showing some empathy for the resistance or disappointment it's communicating, then we actually are modeling what we want to see from them (respectful communication of emotions.)

    Answer by girlwithC at 12:07 AM on Apr. 12, 2013

  • I'm sure you have gotten some good advice here. I really think it's the age. This is when they push the boundaries and worse, it's directed at you, the disciplinarian. Stick with your parenting style but be sure to make him feel loved and have some special time with him alone. Communicate.

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 12:23 AM on Apr. 12, 2013

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