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I don't know how to approach my almost 12 yr old son about sex?

I had gotten my 12 yr old an ipod for his easter/birthday present. And I had gotten on it to mess around with it the one day and seen he was looking at porn, I didn't know whether to call him out on it or to let it go...Well I called him out on it and asked him if he was looking at it and told him to be honest that he wasn't in trouble and he said ya....I just told him that is not why we got him the ipod and that if he has questions to come ask me or dad....It just seems he didnt get curious until they started health class about changing bodies and puberty.. Well anyways I just told him he shouldnt look at that stuff and that its nasty to object seeing girls that way. And if I caught him again that I would put restrictions on it to prevent him from looking that stuff on his ipod. And I seen he had been looking at it again. So I think it's time for the actual talk...

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Sheri S.

Asked by Sheri S. at 8:53 AM on Apr. 13, 2013 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 3 (19 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • It was time for the actual talk long before this, to be honest.. You should have been talking to him for years already, giving him small amounts of information as appropriate for his age.

    The first thing you need to do now is follow through on your threat. You told him if he did it again,, you'd restrict him - so do it. Next, talk to him about sex. Whether it's your or your husband, someone needs to talk to him now, before his friends do, and give him accurate information about women, human bodies and sex.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 9:03 AM on Apr. 13, 2013

  • Go to the library and find books for his age on the subject, there are also ways to set settings for his ipod so he can't go there....
    older

    Answer by older at 9:15 AM on Apr. 13, 2013

  • Just be forthright about it, he's 12 by now he's taken the maturation class at school. To be honest this conversation should have happened a few years ago. He's learning from his peers which is exactly what you don't want especially seeings you haven't had the conversation about it already. You can ask him what he knows and just take it from there.
    funlovinlady

    Answer by funlovinlady at 9:35 AM on Apr. 13, 2013

  • You need to talk to him about sex, but also about respecting girls. Probably won't be done in one talk. I have a 13 yo ds and an 11 yo dd and have found that small talks work best usually brought up by songs that come on the radio or topics that come up in shows we watch on tv. They are usually talk more openly when the subject isn't directly about them, and I can insert educational information and my opinion about things without them getting defensive. With my dd, we read some books together and talk about it; with my son, I got him books then talked about them with him making sure his questions were answered and I added in any opinions.
    We are a Christian family so my talks with them have been based on abstinence until marriage as the expected standard. The most recent book I got for him was Sex and the New You which is in a whole series of teaching boys about sex as they age.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 11:00 AM on Apr. 13, 2013

  • Why not let dad handle this....?
    older

    Answer by older at 9:05 AM on Apr. 13, 2013

  • Well him and his dad aren't close as far as father and son.....It's been like this for years, my hubby is like a big kid himself and I don't even think my hubby would be even comfortable on talking about this with him or that my son would even listen.....My son would listen to me better than his dad......Idk just my son relies on my 2 sense than others I guess you can say he is kind of a mamma's boy in some sense...
    Sheri S.

    Comment by Sheri S. (original poster) at 9:10 AM on Apr. 13, 2013

  • It was actually time for "the talk" before he started health class so there weren't any surprises. They should hear about that stuff from a teacher first.
    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 2:56 PM on Apr. 13, 2013

  • I would put controls on it now, not just for porn, but for any weirdos he may come across. I think buy him a really good book about boys and how the body changes, then sit down and talk after he reads it.
    jerseydiva

    Answer by jerseydiva at 10:45 AM on Apr. 17, 2013

  • Well I'm a mom of three girls 14 12 10. When I notice that their attitude was changing I waited for that special momma time when their were no one around so they wouldn't be shy or scared to ask questions I did this one one and I first told them I wanted to just sit and talk I started out by asking about how was school and what was going on there. then as time went by I just came out and asked them will you tell me what you know about sex and to my surprise they knew alot more then what I was ready for so as I'm trying to soak this all in and not freak out I simple ask did she have any questons on it that she didn't understand and she did so i honstly answered them the best I could without being to detailed. But got to say this, the one question that was asked by one of them made me laugh till I was crying she wanted to know if we got stuck lik the dogs do. And the sad part as a mother of girls I wanted to say YES but i didnt
    Tobi H.

    Answer by Tobi H. at 8:55 AM on Apr. 23, 2013

  • I agree that you should have started the talk a long time ago....feeding him bits of info that is age appropiate of course. My daughter is 16 my son is 12 and they ask questions I answer. I dont shy away and get all embarrassed. Empowering them with knowledge is key and yes talk to them about respecting people women and men ect. I always tell my daughter that if and when she is ready for her first time to come and talk to me and I will set up with birth control and condoms and I always tell her to make sure its with a boy she wont regret. I havent got that far with my son but we talk about things like where babies come from and when two people love each other or find each other attractive. If they dont hear it correctly from you then they will get misinformation from somewhere else and let me tell you it starts in kindegarden.
    Fairymom32

    Answer by Fairymom32 at 11:43 PM on Apr. 30, 2013

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