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Why do I feel SO horrible?

for not taking my kids to a funeral for the late mother of a classmate of theirs? My kids have been to and through three deaths and funerals of close family members and friends since August of last year (then one in last November and the last one was this past February) and I just wasn't sure if they were emotionally ready to deal with another death and funeral so soon. Now I feel HORRIBLE because I wasn't aware of when and where the service was and so many of their classmates DID go. I don't want them to be picked on, be judged or have other students make them feel bad because they didn't go. I thought I was doing the right thing because they are still grieving and coping with the loss within THEIR OWN family. Am I a horrible parent for thinking of them or should I have let them decide? I just feel that if I had let them go, they would not have been emotionally equipped to deal with it?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:14 PM on Apr. 14, 2013 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • How old are the kids?

    Regardless of that, we make decisions as parents every day in the best interest of our kids. They may turn out right and they may not, but if you truly were doing what you thought was best, then guilt is unproductive. If they were old enough to ask, then maybe you could have asked them, but what's done is done and feeling terrible will only harm you and not change anything.

    Answer by Ballad at 9:24 PM on Apr. 14, 2013

  • FWIW unless this person was known by the other students, none of them had any business attending in the first place.

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 9:35 PM on Apr. 14, 2013

  • @ Ginger0104, what is FWIW?

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:37 PM on Apr. 14, 2013

  • For what it's worth.

    You shouldn't feel guilty. You made a judgement call based on what your children can handle, and they'll be okay as a result.

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 9:48 PM on Apr. 14, 2013

  • They are 10, 13 and 14 but that doesn't necessarily mean that they are able to handle some things.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:56 PM on Apr. 14, 2013

  • Thank you for clarifying lol and kind words.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:59 PM on Apr. 14, 2013

  • You know your kids better than anybody else does. You did what you thought was best. It's over, it's finished. Obviously you care about your kids. Cut yourself some slack.

    Answer by Ballad at 10:47 PM on Apr. 14, 2013

  • I recently attended the funeral of a friend who died, a mom to 2 children. The row in front of me was filled by teenage girls who are friends of the daughter (in high school.) They may have known the mom personally, but regardless I assume they were there because they care about their friend.
    You assumed that it would be better to avoid the issue with your kids & decided not to mention it or take them. That is a valid decision for you to make!!
    I don't know how you found out that many classmates did go. Did one of your kids mention it? Did another parent reference the service?
    If your kids bring up the issue or express upset about not being consulted, I suggest you hear them out & validate their feelings. Let them know that you made a thoughtful decision based on your concerns. Acknowledge that your worries may have been misplaced/unfounded and maybe you should have consulted them, but you didn't. You're not a horrible parent.

    Answer by girlwithC at 11:08 PM on Apr. 14, 2013

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