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3 Bumps

Which course of action to take?

Some of you may or may not recall that my daughter watched her best friend get hit by a car February 19, 2013 (details posted elsewhere). At first she was pretty broken up about it, understandably. As time went on she seemed to be ok with things. Her friend got her cast off, is still playing the "poor me, I'm a victim" card, and is being her usual bratty self to everyone.

Anyway, things have been simmering in the back of my mind. I've been watching my daughter slowing become more and more clingy, is SUPER anxious if any kind of vehicle gets too close to her, and will NOT spend the night at my dad's house anymore. He's the type of grampa that spoils the kids rotten when he has them. She used to LOVE going to his house.

She seems more emotional about the smallest of things, and is just NOT her usual self. I 100% understand that she's still trying to cope with the accident. I thought she had a better handle on things than what she is displaying. Not all days are bad, but they seem to be recurring more and more lately.

I talked with the school counselor today and she will be setting up meetings with my daughter to help give her more coping tools, at my request.

Now, to my question:

Do I contact the insurance of the lady that hit the girl and add my daughter's mental anguish, and subsequent treatment(s) to the bill they have to pay?

Do I contact the lawyer the girl's parents hired for all medical bills and add my daughter's issues to the case?

Or do I just let it go and eat the cost?

We can't really afford to pay for therapy for my daughter, should she need it (most likely). The lady was 100% to blame for the accident. I'm not at all sue happy and don't want to try to make millions over a broken leg and mental anguish. I just want to get all my bases covered so I can do the best for my kids I can.

Which way to go here?
Sorry for the length too.

Answer Question

Asked by Rosehawk at 3:57 PM on Apr. 15, 2013 in Kids' Health

Level 40 (116,661 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • I would call the insurance and add it and notify the lawyer to add it to his documents. If insurance isn't cooperating or won't cover it all, have the lawyer pursue the money.
    I'm not sue happy either, but that's what insurance is for. AND it not like you are trying to take advantage of the situation by beefing up your bank account. You are being reasonable to ask for your expenses due to the accident to be covered.

    Answer by daylily888 at 4:00 PM on Apr. 15, 2013

  • Go and eat the cost. Its a hard case to win if your DD just saw the accident and wasn't actually the one being hit.
    I really hope she is okay and recovers well. Its good to be cautious around moving vehicles but not tot he point where you're freaking out.

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 4:02 PM on Apr. 15, 2013

  • I forgot to add you could go after them in small claims court after you pay for the cost.

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 4:02 PM on Apr. 15, 2013

  • I don't know what kind of chance you have to make them pay, but it might be worth talking to the attorney to find out. Most of the time we just have to suck it up and pay for the fallout of witnessing something horrible.

    Answer by QuinnMae at 4:20 PM on Apr. 15, 2013

  • I doubt the insurance will help you out, if that was the case everyone who saw a horrific accident could sue them. Do you have insurance yourself? I know there are many mental health places that offer sliding scale payments. It is awful that she had to see her friend get hurt, but thank goodness it wasn't worse. I would hope this is the worst thing she will see in her life, but most likely it isn't. I would seek a couple of sessions for her, and most likely that will be the end of it.
    Now, not to stir the pot, but have you been more anxious around situations involving cars? Maybe the reason she doesn't want to go to Grandpa's house anymore is because she senses your anxiety? Let her talk to the school counselor a few times and see what happens. So sorry momma!

    Answer by jerseydiva at 4:44 PM on Apr. 15, 2013

  • No pot stirring to me jerseydiva.

    I've been thinking about and analyzing things, in my mind, lately. I don't think I've been any different. We cross the same spot her friend got hit every morning and she seems fine with that. She'll start getting nervous/anxious if/when a car gets within about 30 feet of us when we're walking.

    We do have insurance, but it doesn't do much for mental health.

    She just really wants to be close to me (her security blanket) more and wants extra comfort and reassurances. I WAS getting more and more frustrated by it. I'm now trying to remind myself WHY she's a little extra clingy and have more patience and understanding for her.

    Comment by Rosehawk (original poster) at 4:53 PM on Apr. 15, 2013

  • It could very well be that a few short therapy sessions will do the trick for your little girl, especially at her age and with a supportive home environment. I was on a hayride wagon as a kid, and a young woman fell off the trailer and was run over and killed. My parents thought it would be best if I forgot the whole thing and never spoke of it again. I had a lot of nightmares and freakout issues, but once I was able to talk the incident through with the school counselor, unload my emotions and fears, then I could put the tragedy in perspective and move on. While working with the school counselor, you might also consider giving your daughter some toy cars, maybe a toy ambulance, and some figures, and letting her play freely. Sometimes that helps children make sense of their feelings.

    Answer by Ballad at 4:56 PM on Apr. 15, 2013

  • Good idea Ballad

    Comment by Rosehawk (original poster) at 5:12 PM on Apr. 15, 2013

  • I don't know about the insurance angle (I realize that's your question here) but I wanted to recommend that you take a look at material by Peter Levine.
    He writes & speaks about the innate capacity of humans to heal from trauma if they receive adequate support, and he describes the process. He also addresses the issue of guiding children through trauma, and overall cultivating an approach/response to children's feelings that effectively "trauma-proofs" your kids.
    He has a website but I haven't visited; it may have articles/video clips & perhaps a directory of therapists trained in somatic experiencing (which is what I'd look for if seeking trauma support.) But his books are widely available (you could search inside on Amazon or Google books to read a bit) and might support you to help her. It'd be low-cost assistance!
    A key idea with shock trauma is that the fight-flight survival response got shut down (freeze) without the

    Answer by girlwithC at 5:26 PM on Apr. 15, 2013

  • opportunity to discharge the tremendous energy that was mobilized at the time of the shock. So you have an automatic physiological autonomic response system that got activated but didn't/couldn't complete after the crisis situation passed, and that energy is what stays in the system getting "triggered."

    Answer by girlwithC at 5:30 PM on Apr. 15, 2013

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