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I just can't seem to get my sh*t together! :(

I have one 2 year old son who is very energetic, stubborn, strong willed, and expressive! That being said, so am I, he really REALLY knows how to push my buttons and drive me batty! I can sometimes feel my self unraveling , I see other mothers handle their children with such patience and calmness, when I on the other hand sweat get nervous, anxious and frustrated and flustered so easily! What the hell is wrong with me? Jeez, I feel so alone and like I am letting my son down. I find myself raising my voice more than I want, and I need advice!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:52 PM on Apr. 16, 2013 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • Parenting is different for each person. Listening to you though, I am hearing that he is taking his cues from you. So pick something you do that you do not want him to copy. ..Yelling/ raising your voice. He yells and expects that you will excalate the yelling backand forth. If you change the perameters and soften your voice consistantly, that "button" will no longer work for him. It is amazing what happens when you stop rising to their bait.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:00 AM on Apr. 17, 2013

  • I would say to breathe in and breathe out S L O W L Y and D E E P L Y at least 5 times before you react. Just hang in there, he is only 2, he is learning just as you are learning!
    29again

    Answer by 29again at 12:03 AM on Apr. 17, 2013

  • You are the parent. You are in charge. What you say goes.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 12:05 AM on Apr. 17, 2013

  • When you start feeling frustrated or stressed, give YOURSELF a time out. Take a few minutes locked in your bathroom or bedroom, take a few breaths, and remember: THIS PHASE WILL PASS........eventually.

    My daughter is 6. She is stubborn, pig-headed, mulish, determined, defiant (at times), bull-headed, I-wiil-do-it-myself-get-out-of-my-way! and JUST like her mother.
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 12:34 AM on Apr. 17, 2013

  • I agree with the others. My daughter is five and very good at pushing my buttons. Deep breaths will help, but also cut yourself a break. Those moms you see parenting with enviable calmness have their I'm-losing-it moments, too, an any of them who say they never do are lying through their teeth.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 12:41 AM on Apr. 17, 2013

  • LOL! All those Kelly Rippa type mom's that seem to be in total control, calm, cool, and collected, likely are not when they are out of the public eye. I'm not saying that there are no mom's like that out there, just saying that there are few, if any, that don't get frustrated at times. Totally understand where you are coming from & feel for you! Every child is diff., as is every mom & the way they handle stress. I'd be lying if I said that my kids didn't stress me to the max at least once a day, lol! Mommy time out sounds like a good idea to me. Remove yourself for even a moment, to take a breath & try to calm yourself before dealing w/ your kid, when poss., so that you are not reacting immediatly out of anger & frustration. Seeing you reacting more calmly, your child will likely calm down a bit themselves. Age has a lot to do w/ it though. They are testing their boundry's & your patience! lol. GL, & hang in there!
    HappyEndings

    Answer by HappyEndings at 10:06 AM on Apr. 17, 2013

  • We all love our kids & want to parent well. It's true that sometimes others just LOOK good to us, because we're critical of ourselves & insecure, and everyone else seems to compare favorably! But sure, some ARE calmer than others.
    My oldest's first year in school, I watched another family have a new baby & bring her to big sister's school functions. They just had incredible flow. It was amazing & inspiring. She was a totally portable baby & toddler (this is my child's 4th year & that child is now 3.) It wasn't that she was completely quiet at plays or programs, but their responses to her were SO optimal. I noticed they never shushed her & things never escalated! She would squeal or make some noise, and they had a way of responding that validated her, and just rolled with it. My own situation with my toddlers (twins about 18 months older than this child) had more struggle/defensiveness in it, because I was more tense.
    My point
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 12:07 AM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • is that in my experience, parenting "flow" and a greater sense of cooperation & collaboration has come with better skills. As I became more skilled as a parent, and more tolerant of my own feelings (including self-doubt), I became a calmer parent who had a lot more empathy for my children even in challenging circumstances. I often struggle, but it's also true that I generally see my children (in their tougher, off-track moments) with compassion...I see them as needing help. I see problem behaviors as signals that something's off for them, signals that they feel stressed & disconnected, that something is driving the behavior. This helps me respond to them in a way that addresses causes & connects us.
    The less I see them/their behavior as "a reflection on" ME, the less triggered I tend to be by it. Also, the less I "need" for them to behave well in order to maintain my own equilibrium!
    Unconscious beliefs are behind most stress.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 12:18 AM on Apr. 19, 2013

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