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How can i get my daughter to like school?? she doesnt like anything about it.

im not sure why. any suggestions??

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Asked by rosesrred1 at 9:51 AM on Apr. 17, 2013 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 15 (1,976 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • You need to find out why first of all. Then you need to emphasize the things she does like about it... there has to be something. But the biggest thing is to communicate with her to find out why.

    Answer by Crafty26 at 9:53 AM on Apr. 17, 2013

  • Oh, the middle-school years! You need to find out what's going on, if she's being teased or bullied, etc.

    Answer by SWasson at 10:11 AM on Apr. 17, 2013

  • I agree, you need to find out what's really going on at school. Then help her find something she's good at, and build her confidence. If she feels like she's not smart enough, maybe she needs some tutoring, or maybe she needs to find her talent in art, music, theater or sports. Finding what you're good at makes school so much more fun.

    If she feels isolated and like no one likes her, maybe there are other issues to deal with.

    Answer by ohwrite at 10:14 AM on Apr. 17, 2013

  • My daughter used to LOVE school! She hated being on breaks & looked forward to the school day. She is now a freshman, & has hated school from the beginning of the year! W/ her it has mainly been her classes & the level of difficulty in them. She was in all advanced classes w/ straight A's before, & signed up for all honors classes this year, & has struggled w/ a few of them, to the point of having to drop them. Her grades have dropped to A's, B's, & she even had 2 C's on this past report card. Things get much harder each year, there is a lot more work, & a lot more expected from them, which puts a lot of pressure on them, besides the social pressures that they face anyway. Have you talked to her to see what it is exactly that she hates about it, & what she likes?

    Answer by HappyEndings at 10:19 AM on Apr. 17, 2013

  • I don't think you can get her to like it. We had one child who never liked school--not from the first day he went until now, and he's almost finished with his doctorate. We taught him that if he wanted to succeed in life, he had to have an education, that we would help him and support him, but he had to go and he had to do his best while he was there. He made good grades and he worked hard, but he never enjoyed going to school. I've known other people who hated going to school, but they, too, went because it was necessary. That's how I would approach it. You cannot force a person to like something they just naturally hate. To be honest, I never cared much for it either, but I graduated from college because my dad believed it was important for me to do so!

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:44 AM on Apr. 17, 2013

  • Why don't you encourage her to get involved in something, sports, drama club, chess club, anything. Most of the time kids (esp girls) dread school because of other kids, not the actual day to day studying etc. What are her grades like? Have you been in communication with the school counselor and teachers? It is very important to get her back on track at this age, so finding out why she hates it is the key.

    Answer by jerseydiva at 10:51 AM on Apr. 17, 2013

  • I agree with everyone else that you can't even begin to try to resolve this until you know why she hates school. There's almost always a way to resolve just about any problem she might have with school, but you have to know what the problem is in order to resolve it.

    As has also been mentioned, some people just don't like school, period. It's just not their thing. Just like I don't like sports, my kids don't like roller coasters, some people don't like school. If she's one that just doesn't like school at all, then your only option is to tell her that even if she doesn't like it, she has to go and she has to try her best.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 11:18 AM on Apr. 17, 2013

  • Communicate with her. Find out what the problem is. The biggest key to getting at the issue is not to try to talk her out of her feelings If she says she hates school, don't tell her it isn't that bad, or how much worse it could be, or how important education is. Just have her elaborate. What does she hate? Why? How does school make her feel? Why?

    Answer by Ballad at 1:15 PM on Apr. 17, 2013

  • Is she just generally negative about school?
    My suggestion would be to shift your focus from getting her to like school to helping her feel understood & supported.
    To manage this, your focus when she communicates her negative feelings toward school would be hearing & acknowledging what she has to say, rather than critiquing it as unfair or too negative.
    You may feel like her negativity is something to fix (I'd say this is a pretty normal response because we hope our kids will be successful & "not liking" school seems threatening) but when you engage her feelings & opinions on the level of their validity, by pointing out the alternate view or minimizing the importance of her objections or debating with her, you actually reinforce her negativity! And increase her frustration.
    Tolerate the sense of helplessness you may feel around this, let yourself off the hook as for needing to change her or fix things, and listen. "Let it be."

    Answer by girlwithC at 3:02 PM on Apr. 17, 2013

  • Hi, I wanted to comment further on my answer above. The ultimate goal of "letting it be as it is" would be to connect with her more, and to increase her sense of connection, being heard, and being accepted.
    It is not so that things will stay exactly as they are! But it frees her up to start processing her feelings & making choices about things. She can't do that if she's stuck in defensive mode, being stubbornly "negative" in resistance to your struggle to get her "over" her negativity.
    I have found that shifting to "allowing" my daughter's feelings has been the biggest force in helping her engage in a process of relating to her own feelings & reactions, which implies change & growth. When I wasn't trying to persuade her that things/people weren't that bad, or that some things were enjoyable, she tended just to HAVE her feelings & move through them. She adapted, rather than staying stuck.
    If there's a problem, it gets clearer.

    Answer by girlwithC at 11:55 PM on Apr. 18, 2013

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