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My husband puts his grown up children before me to my financial expense

i needed to buy new spectacles (i cannot drive without them) I asked my husband if he would lend me some £ so i could buy them. (I DID NOT want designer/expensive ones) He said he didnt think he had any £ left to help me out. So i had to get a payday loan. ( i do not normally get loans , cannot stand oweing £) I told him what i had done, and he wasnt bothered.That evening he went out and brought his 21 year old daughter (who has her own home and fiance that works) a brand new vacum cleaner! I feel so hurt that he claimed he could not help me, his wife but without hesitation went straight out and brought a vacum cleaner. I confronted him, he got very angry and said his children will always come before me.


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Asked by notapriority at 8:40 AM on Apr. 19, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • I just meant where was the other pair? did they get broken? I still think the issue is you have your money and he has his? who pays the rent, groceries, utility bill. I wasn't being snarky, just thought you already had glasses, and if you didn't have them, until you found out you needed them, I assume you drove before you had them.

    Answer by jerseydiva at 12:04 PM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • Seriously, close the bank. I had the same problem, and I just had to insist that we share monthly bills before other money was spent. It's not easy, but apparently if you don't look out for yourself, nobody else will do it.

    Answer by Ballad at 12:17 PM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • Your husband; would have been justified in putting his child first before you, if the kid was under 18 and he was supporting her. She is an adult now and can take care of herself. You are his wife and any money coming into the home is both of yours. I agree with the other mom, let him pay most of the bills, you stash some away for yourself, and if he asks what's going on, tell him that he's the head of the household, makes the financial decisions without any input from you, so he can be the head of the household and pay all the bills. He won't have any money left to go off and buy his adult children anything, and you will have some extra money on hand to pay for the important things you need.

    Answer by Sierrarose99 at 7:01 PM on Apr. 25, 2013

  • A friend of mine had a similar situation. She needed sneakers....hers were old. Her husband would not give her $ to buy them, but soon after bought himself a new laptop. She was also in need of dental work but of course no $ for that either. They were married 19 years and with the help of her family, she was able to leave him and live with her sister until she was back on her feet financially. No wife should be placed below the children!!! I'm sorry you're going through this. I can't imagine the hurt you are feeling. I hope you find resolution.

    Answer by jograndmomma at 8:16 AM on May. 26, 2013

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