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My husband puts his grown up children before me to my financial expense

i needed to buy new spectacles (i cannot drive without them) I asked my husband if he would lend me some £ so i could buy them. (I DID NOT want designer/expensive ones) He said he didnt think he had any £ left to help me out. So i had to get a payday loan. ( i do not normally get loans , cannot stand oweing £) I told him what i had done, and he wasnt bothered.That evening he went out and brought his 21 year old daughter (who has her own home and fiance that works) a brand new vacum cleaner! I feel so hurt that he claimed he could not help me, his wife but without hesitation went straight out and brought a vacum cleaner. I confronted him, he got very angry and said his children will always come before me.


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Asked by notapriority at 8:40 AM on Apr. 19, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • A friend of mine had a similar situation. She needed sneakers....hers were old. Her husband would not give her $ to buy them, but soon after bought himself a new laptop. She was also in need of dental work but of course no $ for that either. They were married 19 years and with the help of her family, she was able to leave him and live with her sister until she was back on her feet financially. No wife should be placed below the children!!! I'm sorry you're going through this. I can't imagine the hurt you are feeling. I hope you find resolution.

    Answer by jograndmomma at 8:16 AM on May. 26, 2013

  • Your husband; would have been justified in putting his child first before you, if the kid was under 18 and he was supporting her. She is an adult now and can take care of herself. You are his wife and any money coming into the home is both of yours. I agree with the other mom, let him pay most of the bills, you stash some away for yourself, and if he asks what's going on, tell him that he's the head of the household, makes the financial decisions without any input from you, so he can be the head of the household and pay all the bills. He won't have any money left to go off and buy his adult children anything, and you will have some extra money on hand to pay for the important things you need.

    Answer by Sierrarose99 at 7:01 PM on Apr. 25, 2013

  • Seriously, close the bank. I had the same problem, and I just had to insist that we share monthly bills before other money was spent. It's not easy, but apparently if you don't look out for yourself, nobody else will do it.

    Answer by Ballad at 12:17 PM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • I just meant where was the other pair? did they get broken? I still think the issue is you have your money and he has his? who pays the rent, groceries, utility bill. I wasn't being snarky, just thought you already had glasses, and if you didn't have them, until you found out you needed them, I assume you drove before you had them.

    Answer by jerseydiva at 12:04 PM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • How very strange We sare bank coount s I am sorry that I can not really say anything helpul.

    Answer by Dardenella at 11:25 AM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • dear jerseydiva, the pressing emergency in needing glasses sooner rather than later is that i need them to drive, i have to drive to work and also i drive other people. I have my own bank account and i earn my own £ i dont normally have to "ask" my husband for £ its just this month things were a little tight.

    Comment by notapriority (original poster) at 10:09 AM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • I think this marriage is going to be over shortly. Your screen name tells me all I need to know.

    Answer by gdiamante at 10:01 AM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • okay, what he did was wrong IMO, but if you needed new glasses what was the pressing emergency that you had to have them right then and there? I wouldn't have to "ask" my husband for money, I migh tell him I was buying something expensive, so the bigger question is why do you not know how much money you all have? Why do you not have access to your money (his and yours)?

    Answer by jerseydiva at 9:57 AM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • I agree that you should not ask for this kind of $ for yourself, it looks like it is your $ and his $ not our $, and this is where your problem begins....

    Answer by older at 9:28 AM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • IMO it's time to move on. You shouldn't have to ask ANYONE for money.

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 9:24 AM on Apr. 19, 2013

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