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2 Bumps

My husband puts his grown up children before me to my financial expense

i needed to buy new spectacles (i cannot drive without them) I asked my husband if he would lend me some £ so i could buy them. (I DID NOT want designer/expensive ones) He said he didnt think he had any £ left to help me out. So i had to get a payday loan. ( i do not normally get loans , cannot stand oweing £) I told him what i had done, and he wasnt bothered.That evening he went out and brought his 21 year old daughter (who has her own home and fiance that works) a brand new vacum cleaner! I feel so hurt that he claimed he could not help me, his wife but without hesitation went straight out and brought a vacum cleaner. I confronted him, he got very angry and said his children will always come before me.

JUST WANTED TO ADD- I WORK FULL TIME AND HAVE MY OWN BANK ACCOUNT, I NEVER USUALLY ASK HIM FOR £ BUT THIS MONTH £ HAS BEEN TIGHT>

Answer Question
 
notapriority

Asked by notapriority at 8:40 AM on Apr. 19, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • Did he make this clear to you before you got married? I would think sharing some expenses would be expected, or why get married. Your request was reasonable. I don't have any advice though, you can't change people. Your married but you don't have a partner.
    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 8:48 AM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • That's just very sad. Eyeglasses are a necessity, a vacuum can wait. I think you should start putting some of your money that you make working on the side for you only. Let him pay more of the monthly bills. When he asks you for the money then tell him "If you can't help & provide for me then I need to help & provide for myself". Open your own bank account under your name only. So sorry you have to deal with this. He is wrong! I would also tell his Daughter nicely that you are happy she got a new vacuum instead of him helping to buy you glasses. Let her know!

    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 9:06 AM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • Lend you money? Do you not have any control of the bank account or money of your own?
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 9:19 AM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • sounds like you need to rethink if you want to be with him. As a married couple you shouldnt have to ask to borrow money.
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 9:24 AM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • IMO it's time to move on. You shouldn't have to ask ANYONE for money.
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 9:24 AM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • I agree that you should not ask for this kind of $ for yourself, it looks like it is your $ and his $ not our $, and this is where your problem begins....
    older

    Answer by older at 9:28 AM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • okay, what he did was wrong IMO, but if you needed new glasses what was the pressing emergency that you had to have them right then and there? I wouldn't have to "ask" my husband for money, I migh tell him I was buying something expensive, so the bigger question is why do you not know how much money you all have? Why do you not have access to your money (his and yours)?
    jerseydiva

    Answer by jerseydiva at 9:57 AM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • I think this marriage is going to be over shortly. Your screen name tells me all I need to know.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 10:01 AM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • dear jerseydiva, the pressing emergency in needing glasses sooner rather than later is that i need them to drive, i have to drive to work and also i drive other people. I have my own bank account and i earn my own £ i dont normally have to "ask" my husband for £ its just this month things were a little tight.
    notapriority

    Comment by notapriority (original poster) at 10:09 AM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • How very strange We sare bank coount s I am sorry that I can not really say anything helpul.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 11:25 AM on Apr. 19, 2013

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