Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

My husband puts his grown up children before me to my financial expense

i needed to buy new spectacles (i cannot drive without them) I asked my husband if he would lend me some £ so i could buy them. (I DID NOT want designer/expensive ones) He said he didnt think he had any £ left to help me out. So i had to get a payday loan. ( i do not normally get loans , cannot stand oweing £) I told him what i had done, and he wasnt bothered.That evening he went out and brought his 21 year old daughter (who has her own home and fiance that works) a brand new vacum cleaner! I feel so hurt that he claimed he could not help me, his wife but without hesitation went straight out and brought a vacum cleaner. I confronted him, he got very angry and said his children will always come before me.

JUST WANTED TO ADD- I WORK FULL TIME AND HAVE MY OWN BANK ACCOUNT, I NEVER USUALLY ASK HIM FOR £ BUT THIS MONTH £ HAS BEEN TIGHT>

Answer Question
 
notapriority

Asked by notapriority at 8:40 AM on Apr. 19, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • That's just very sad. Eyeglasses are a necessity, a vacuum can wait. I think you should start putting some of your money that you make working on the side for you only. Let him pay more of the monthly bills. When he asks you for the money then tell him "If you can't help & provide for me then I need to help & provide for myself". Open your own bank account under your name only. So sorry you have to deal with this. He is wrong! I would also tell his Daughter nicely that you are happy she got a new vacuum instead of him helping to buy you glasses. Let her know!

    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 9:06 AM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • Did he make this clear to you before you got married? I would think sharing some expenses would be expected, or why get married. Your request was reasonable. I don't have any advice though, you can't change people. Your married but you don't have a partner.
    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 8:48 AM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • Lend you money? Do you not have any control of the bank account or money of your own?
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 9:19 AM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • I agree that you should not ask for this kind of $ for yourself, it looks like it is your $ and his $ not our $, and this is where your problem begins....
    older

    Answer by older at 9:28 AM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • Seriously, close the bank. I had the same problem, and I just had to insist that we share monthly bills before other money was spent. It's not easy, but apparently if you don't look out for yourself, nobody else will do it.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 12:17 PM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • sounds like you need to rethink if you want to be with him. As a married couple you shouldnt have to ask to borrow money.
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 9:24 AM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • I just meant where was the other pair? did they get broken? I still think the issue is you have your money and he has his? who pays the rent, groceries, utility bill. I wasn't being snarky, just thought you already had glasses, and if you didn't have them, until you found out you needed them, I assume you drove before you had them.
    jerseydiva

    Answer by jerseydiva at 12:04 PM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • IMO it's time to move on. You shouldn't have to ask ANYONE for money.
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 9:24 AM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • okay, what he did was wrong IMO, but if you needed new glasses what was the pressing emergency that you had to have them right then and there? I wouldn't have to "ask" my husband for money, I migh tell him I was buying something expensive, so the bigger question is why do you not know how much money you all have? Why do you not have access to your money (his and yours)?
    jerseydiva

    Answer by jerseydiva at 9:57 AM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • I think this marriage is going to be over shortly. Your screen name tells me all I need to know.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 10:01 AM on Apr. 19, 2013

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN