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My daughter questions me about everything!

My 13YO daughter has this thing about trying to correct me. She questions me about everything. Sometimes I think that she is trying to be the parent. She deliberately tries to find every little mistake I make and exploits it. Like if my other daughter who is 2 and a half is crying about something and I handle it and move on, she comes in questioning me about why I'm not handling it or whatever. It's like she does not trust my judgment. When she questions me it makes me feel like I don't even want to dignify them with an answer. I feel offended and I feel she is out of line when she boldly expresses her opinions and questions my judgments. My question is am I wrong for feeling this way? I'm confused b/c I also think that she is just learning from me so she questions my judgment so she can understand me better, so maybe I should cut her some slack. Is that common among other teens? I just feel that she should ask with respect.

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felicia0923

Asked by felicia0923 at 10:52 PM on Feb. 16, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • This is TOTALLY normal. I questioned my mom's parenting when I was a teenager. I would discuss things with her but keep it calm and don't let it get to you. She is just a teenager but she is learning from you like you said so feel flattered that she trsts you enough to talk to you and not bottle it up.
    hannahwill

    Answer by hannahwill at 11:05 PM on Feb. 16, 2009

  • I think children learn by asking questions. My DD knows she can always ask questions respectfully (even after the fact) but that we always have the right to not answer her question. However this has happened one once or twice. Most the time she is just trying to understand why we did what we did
    Wiggles_GA

    Answer by Wiggles_GA at 12:06 AM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • Awwwe... the teen years. Amass of fluctuation of hormones. The best of parents cringe at this time. Asking questions is one thing. Correcting you is another. The answer to that I always found the most useful is: Because I am the parent and you are the child (I will always be your parent and you will always be my child), I'm the boss! When you grow up get married and have your own children, You will be the parent, and then able to make the decisions for your own child.

    The mother daughter relationship becomes very complicated at this time. You will see that they (daughters) at this time can be the hardest on you, they are female and know just how to push your buttons. It is a constant that they push you and you push back. They are testing you, and in doing that learning limits. Set good limits! Don't tolerate disrespect! Use major discussions for things like teen relationships, sex, body image and all those other girl things
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:31 AM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • I used to "explain myself" to my son all the time. Every answer and everything i did i felt i had to justify to him. Then it finally occurred to me that I'm the parent, i've lived longer, and i can make my own choices without answering to a kid. I'm not saying i cut him down for asking valid questions but there comes a certain point where he doesnt have a right to question or analyze every decision I make. Some things he has a right to an explanation and other things are in my house are jokingly called "nunya" (as in nunya business). The longer i'm a parent the more i appreciate my mom's wise answers such as "because i said so" and "because i'm the mom." i know most just look at those statements in horror but there comes a point and time where that is the reality of the situation. you dont have to explain yourself to a teenager - the sooner you stop explaining the sooner she will stop questioning you.

    WinnieM

    Answer by WinnieM at 11:38 AM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • I think it's very normal. At this stage, "because I said so" does not fly anymore. If she wants an explanation, give her one, and then stand your ground. Basically, she should be welcome to question, but never welcome to try to negotiate or debate. If you are CONSISTENT and more importantly ALWAYS FAIR she will come to trust your judgement, even if she doesn't like it all the time. Another important thing is to feel your authority and not get upset when you are being questioned. You need to feel like ultimately, what you say goes, and there's nothing she can do about it. Once you feel secure in your role as the authority figure it should be easier to maintain your calm and patience with her. If she is questioning you at a bad time, just tell her that now is not the time to talk about it but to please bring it up again a little later and you'll talk about it then. Follow through on your promise.
    laadeedah

    Answer by laadeedah at 12:46 PM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • I agree with anonymous and winnie
    It's great to be able to have a conversation with your daughter about why you do the things you do, but it's not okay to justify yourself to her. You do not have to get her approval. You can simply tell her that you have valid reasons for your actions and that if she is interested in them, she can ask you respectfully.

    Angie Blackwell, The Parenting Coach
    familycoach4U

    Answer by familycoach4U at 3:58 AM on Feb. 20, 2009

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