Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I need Nanny 911 lol

Having a huge issue with 5 year old son. He is PDD, high functioning on the spectrum, speech deficit, and ADHD. Most of his behaviors I can handle but recently he has been running out the door at all hours of the day or night, in the rain, when he's told no or he just doesn't ask anymore he just sneaks out. When I'm in the living room he sneaks out the back door and I find him in the yard, even at 7 or 8 pm. Does anyone have any ideas how to stop this behavior? He can unlock doors, the only thing I haven't tried is putting chain locks up real high where he can't reach but if I do that I am sure he sill just push a chair up to the door. I don't want to put pad locks or anything that need a key to open in case of a fire where we need to get out really quickly. I just need to figure out some way to make him understand that if I say NO I mean NO.


Asked by AnonNdrag at 10:15 AM on Apr. 19, 2013 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 19 (7,783 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Maybe some kind of noise making alarm that goes off when you open the door.


    Answer by QuinnMae at 10:19 AM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • BUMP! my son doesn't listen to me either, no matter what. I'd put a slide lock on the top of the door, it would buy you some time to catch him. idk gl

    Answer by josiesmommy00 at 10:18 AM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • either the alrms- OR you can get locks that you punch in a code to open- so no dealing with lost keys or anything
    we had one on our bedroom door

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 10:41 AM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • Another approach (alternative to MAKING him STOP) would be to try to address the things that prompt him to sneak. Take away the "need" to be secretive or furtive, by prioritizing responsiveness for awhile.
    Let him know what you want him to do when he feels like sneaking so he can be outside. Tell him to come find you, and tell you what he wants.
    It is a matter of prioritizing it, so you stop what you're doing & go with him, each time he comes to you. This isn't about always being at his mercy; it's about re-programming his current default assumption which is, "If it's important to me, I need to sneak in order to make sure it happens." You do that by building his trust.
    Once you have that established, you can begin to function with the kinds of limits you want. Limits that let everyone in the family feel respected & heard; a kid with enough trust not to be preemptive every time you aren't able/willing to say Yes right then. lol

    Answer by girlwithC at 1:50 PM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • Times that you just can't let him go out, give him the clear limit and make it a physical one if he is very upset or insistent. Let him have all his feelings about it, and struggle fully. Stay caring, but hold the limit that he can't go out right then. I would say that would be the exception rather than the rule. If possible, you'd set aside what you're doing in order to be clear that you are available & willing, and he SHOULD approach you. Provide the supervision that lets going outside be safe & not something he "has" to sneak. Consider letting him go in the rain? Go stand out there with him at night & notice what's great about it, or get curious about what he likes about it.
    Think of it all as an investment.
    I did something like this with my twin sons when they were toddlers. Regarding the fenced pool area (our swimming pool) and regarding our backyard creek. Also just going outside. And with "getting into" stuff.

    Answer by girlwithC at 1:59 PM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • Slide locks & one of those thingy's that sounds an alarm if the door is opened. At least then you know when he goes out, & it keeps him safe. GL!

    Answer by HappyEndings at 10:25 AM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • I was going to say what Happy Endings said, get an alarm that sounds when the door is opened, Where have you been?

    Answer by jerseydiva at 10:29 AM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • Some kind of alarm system is probably your only other option.

    Answer by NannyB. at 12:35 PM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • I did purchase the alarms to put on the doors and so far they are working really well. As far as figuring out why he feels the need to sneak, when I tell him no he can't go out for what ever reason he throws a fit and I put him in time out so he has started just sneaking out the back door to avoid that whole scenario. I have taken him outside at night and in the rain and showed him the yard and all that did was want to make him do it every-night. The alarms work really well though because he had been sneaking out at night while we were all in bed and going over to mess with the dog next door, now when I hear the alarm I wake up right away and can stop him and usually when he hears the alarm he closes the door right away because he knows he's been caught, though this morning I caught him on a chair trying to remove the alarm now that he has figured out where the noise comes from lol. So we'll see how that goes.

    Comment by AnonNdrag (original poster) at 9:29 AM on Apr. 20, 2013

  • Jersey Diva, I have been working a lot and trying to do a lot of spring cleaning before the kids are out for summer. I did a lot of organizing the house as to make it easier to keep clean so I havn't had a lot of time to be on lately, also I thought that my kids were acting up because I wasn't paying enough attention to them so I have been trying to spend more time with them at night and not be on the computer as much and that has really helped a lot with stopping the negative behavior. :)

    Comment by AnonNdrag (original poster) at 9:31 AM on Apr. 20, 2013