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Why Do Fathers Forget About Their Kids After Divorce?? Help!

My ex husband and I have had problems for the last year, he slowly distanced himself from me and his child. During the separation and the divorce he became less involved with his son. The last five months being the worst. He almost never sees him or calls him. I have begged, pleaded for him to remember to call and trying to tell him the damage and pain this is causing his kid. He says sorry and has excuses and makes promises says he loves him deeply but no action. What do I do? I am tired of begging and stressing about what he should do. What should I say to my son, who thinks his dad is not coming because he is sick or working but lets be honest you can make time for your kids. What do I say to my son. He is in so much pain from having a loving father everyday to now nothing, he is 13. Is this something a lot of men do in the beginning? Will he come around? Please help

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:39 PM on Apr. 19, 2013 in General Parenting

Answers (5)
  • Oh if only . . . ! My ex is over involved to the point it interferes with every aspect of my life. When we were married he wasn't involved at all but once I left. He now shows up at the school every morning to watch the kids walk from the bus to the school and then in the afternoon at the school he goes through their backpacks before they get on the bus. This has been going on for 5 years now! If he weren't around I wouldn't have to share weekends or holidays, I could choose whatever school/doctor/dentist I wanted for my kids, etc
    The grass is always greener. As far as what to tell him? At 13, let him call his dad.

    Answer by missanc at 12:47 PM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • Dont orry about it, your kids will see it for what it is.

    Answer by funlovinlady at 12:52 PM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • Either they are not completely there while married or have too many issues with the Mother to form a relationship with their children.

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 1:42 PM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • Because the men who do that are assholes. As far as what to tell your son: don't lie for your ex. I have a 12 & 9 year old, and my ex hasn't been in their lives in about 8 years. I don't lie and say he's sick or working or whatever. I tell them the truth, or at least part of the truth: I don't know why he doesn't come see them, and that's a question they need to ask him if and when they see or talk to him again. I have my personal opinion on why he doesn't, but my kids don't need to hear it. So I go with as much truth as I can, and I leave it to him to one day have to explain how and why he could walk away without looking back.

    And will he ever come around? I wouldn't count on it. If they walk away in the beginning, they rarely come back - and when they do, it seems they're very unreliable and go the in and out route. If I were you, I'd assume that this is life now and be pleasantly surprised if he does change.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 1:46 PM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • I wish I had better news but I've seen this scenario so many times with men after divorce. All the mothers go through the same thing and someone mentioned that the child will see this for what it is, eventually. That is the truth. They will learn that Dad is an uninterested loser and it will hurt terribly. What Dad doesn't get is that it will destroy his relationship with his child for life. That is on him. All you can do is be honest and say you don't have an answer as to why Dad is being a flake.

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 5:30 PM on Apr. 19, 2013

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