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2 Bumps

How to digest and what to say?

I have issues with my husband and one of the problems is that a couple specially one person can start a normal conversation just to share thoughts, has it ever happened to you that you were not thinking about anything and just ask something and just because you ask something that doesn't mean that there's a reason why, there's something behind that question?

In my case I think being naive and just asking something is bringing me a lot of trouble because I just ask something and he gets mad asking me what is behind that question, why I'm asking that, what's the purpose of that question and at that moment I'm thinking if I knew this stupid question was going to bring all these problems I would never ask. Yesterday, I just ask something something stupid about a place he visited and I just mention it just to have a pleasant conversation and it turn at the end me explaining why I ask that like feeling that even in stupid questions I'm doing something wrong. I don't even ask anymore because I don't want to deal explaining something. When that happened and because I'm tired of him it was 8:30 and I didn't care and go to sleep instead of me sitting with him and pretend. Another example I said we'll we could consider renting a small apartment to save money. I just gave him the reason and the reason is to save money and we have talk about saving money in different aspects but what he says..... What is the main reason to move? I don't understand! What is the purpose for that? Whats really behind that question? Tell me why you just said that! I get frustrated with him, annoyed and even though I said it was to save money he's not satisfied and he wants an answer but I just gave him one. I'm venting, I'm tired of him. I feel I can't say anything because I get in trouble for just opening my mouth and I don't think I'm doing anything wrong. Yes, I've talked to him but is useless. Therapy? He doesn't want. What do you suggest?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:25 PM on Apr. 19, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • Therapy. Even if he won't go, you should go yourself to get the tools to deal with a partner that won't communicate. He may just get curious and want to come to a session.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 1:38 PM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • I am sorry, I can't really make heads or tails of exactly what you are asking?
    You suggest moving, and he becomes mad? Or is he just the kind of guy who likes to debate?
    Give some specific examples and maybe we could be of more help, like
    I said do you want chicken for dinner? and he responds? What?
    jerseydiva

    Answer by jerseydiva at 1:38 PM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • Im not sure I fully understand your post, but from what I think I understand, I'd stop explaining to him. If you ask a question, and he wants to know why, give him the truth one time. (Im just thinking out loud, Im just wondering, It's just an idea to save money, etc) and if he keeps up with the interrogation, walk away. Tell him, I've already answered that, and leave the area. I would not allow my dh to interrogate me like he thought I was being untruthful, or stupid. You should be able to share random thoughts and ideas in a relationship.
    Nimue930

    Answer by Nimue930 at 1:40 PM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • Was he like this before you married? How long have you known him? If this is a new thing then I'd say he's paranoid & hiding something maybe from his past. If he was like this before you married either he has mental issues or again he's hiding something. But if he did it before you married then why did you marry him? That's was too much high maintenance. I think if i really could not take it anymore then I would do a background check on him. Is he from the USA? Does he do drugs? This is very odd.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:44 PM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • Sounds like a controlling jerk
    So he think everything you say,you have an ulterior motive or are hiding something?!
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 1:48 PM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • I would be tired of him to, every time you say something he drills you like that. I would just tell him. Don't do that when I talk to you.
    Truthfully is almost abusive/contolling in a way.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 2:12 PM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • Examples:1. Hes in the military we recently got married and he could leave at any time. Being proactive I ask for him to show me the phone bill so I learn how to pay things when hes gone. 2. How is the city were we are going to be staying. 3. which car do you think is better this one or that one. 4. how was your day 5. hows your family. 6. what do you think about this tv do you think is good 7. tell me about your friends in the other city. 8. Im afraid of this animal. 9. I feel ill. In each one of this questions even though I just want to have more knowledge about things, nothing bad, asking about stupid things he needs to know what is behind my questions and like in point 1 he still doesnt accept that as an answer and he believes theres something more behind and in the last two he doesnt believe me. I used to cry and get angry in front of him and tell him I dont know what else do you want me to say. Everything is a problem.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:28 PM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • Do you think that by asking those questions just about tvs, just about cars, just about stupid comments that sometimes just come out of my head no reasoning behind he then asks why im asking those questions....I feel I cant ask anything or be myself around him and Im not feeling good being around a person that I cannot even express myself because if I say something and he doesnt take it in the right way then is over for me. Im having serious issues because now I prefer not to say anything at all and I think thats bad is not good at all. My mom told me to not make comments and dont say anything at all but I was thinking to myself so now Im going to be mute and just as a ghost. Im so mad.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:33 PM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • Thank you Nimue930 thats what lately Im trying to do.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:44 PM on Apr. 19, 2013

  • PTSD!
    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 2:46 PM on Apr. 19, 2013

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