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Would you have let her go?

My dd9 has a friend that she talks to on the phone and they were talking for awhile until one day her friend just started to do other things so she & my dd did not talk as much. About a month goes by and I notice they were talking again. I did ask my dd why wasn't she talking to her awhile back and she said bc her friend started to act different.
Well yesterday her friend asked if my dd can go over to her house and maybe go do something together. ( I have not yet met her mother but have talked to her on the phone) Anyway I wanted to let her go but my dh said no bc of the way her friend was acting towards my dd and where they might be going was about 30 mins. away my said no it was too soon to let our girl go any where. OMG!!! My dd had a fit and starts balling and sayi g we never let her do anything ( can you imagine the teenage years coming ? )
I wanted to let her go even though haven't met anyone just by phone but I can't help stop thinking of what if something did happen or something wouldn't have happened when do ou draw the line when mom says yes and dad says no and if dad said yes bc mom wanted her to go and something happened I would have never been able to live with myself so should I say what my dh says he has a good judge of character of things...weird.

Thanks ladies sorry so long...ugh!


Asked by Anonymous at 12:10 PM on Apr. 20, 2013 in Tweens (9-12)

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • You are being a parent. Ignore the fit, you did the right thing. You have to go with your gut. Or in this case, your dh's gut instinct. The world isn't that safe.

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 3:22 PM on Apr. 20, 2013

  • I would have asked the mother if I could have come in and talked with her for a bit, I think it is silly to hold the fact the kid wasn't calling on the phone as much as a reason not to let her go. I would think it is time for your DD to make friends and to do things with them, so it seems simple to explain, I am going to meet her Mommy, and vice versa, so she can come over and you can go over there.

    Answer by jerseydiva at 12:13 PM on Apr. 20, 2013

  • Depends on what "because of the way the friend was acting" toward your daughter means. Does your husband have more information than you do (perhaps your daughter complained to him at the time)? Do you have any sense of what your daughter meant by "she started to act different"?
    I can understand not being comfortable with vagueness or the possibility of something you're not cool with (a "possible" activity 30 minutes away, etc.)
    So much is a matter of internal feedback so I can't say for sure what I'd have done. Having spoken to the mom by phone: what matters is the sense you GOT from that, and also what you notice overall about your daughter's contacts with this girl. The info from observations like those would go into my sense about the whole thing, which I'd bring to the discussion.
    Maybe "Not this time." And then make plans.
    I think your daughter's reaction expresses disappointment, frustration & feelings of powerlessness.

    Answer by girlwithC at 12:29 PM on Apr. 20, 2013

  • I didn't let my kids go places where I didn't know the parents at least to some degree. Even then you have to be careful. I left my oldest at a friends house at 7, whose parents I knew fairly well & was very upset when my son walked home because they were watching 'R' rated Halloween movies that scared him. This was a parent I thought I knew.

    You can't protect your children from everything, but it's important to at least have gotten to know the parents a little have them in your home & spend some time in their home. Another son was invited to a friends house & I knew the mom from a group we both belonged to, very nice lady. When I took my son to her house I was shocked, I wouldn't have wanted my child to be in that house let alone eat anything served there it was so filthy. You wouldn't know by looking at her, she always looked clean, well groomed.

    Personally, I don't think it's overprotective, I think it's responsible.

    Answer by ohwrite at 12:22 PM on Apr. 20, 2013

  • I probably would have gone over there if my daughter wanted to go, and just gotten a sense of the house, then decided if I was comfortable leaving her there for a short while. It's hard to loosen the apron strings, but it's inevitable.

    Answer by Ballad at 12:28 PM on Apr. 20, 2013

  • Maybe its time to get to know the Mother more so you will start to feel comfortable with your daughter spending time with her friend.

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 12:41 PM on Apr. 20, 2013