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3 Bumps

my husband threatens me to leave his house whenever we fight!! i feel helpless and insecure

we have two little daughters..he is usuaaly very nice to me, but whenever we fight, he cant stand it and verbally abuses me and threatens to leave me..its been 7 years of our marriage and i feel soo insecure that what if one day it really happens!!!

 
nimsali

Asked by nimsali at 7:14 AM on Apr. 21, 2013 in Relationships

Level 3 (17 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (21)
  • If you stay in the marriage with things as they are, you're doing unbelievable harm to your daughters.

    Do you want them to have marriages like this? If not, then WHY STAY?

    Over in the Moms of Teens group, there's a mom who's posted about horrific problems with her marriage. She didn't even realize marriages were NOT supposed to be that way because her dad abused her mom. See the cycle?

    Your children will do as you do. If you stay in a rotten lousy crappy marriage and take S*&t from your husband, they will do the SAME THING.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:59 PM on Apr. 21, 2013

  • So in seven years have you planned for it? If it scares you have you squandered away money, planned on what you'd do if he does leave. If he was mine I'd show him the door.
    funlovinlady

    Answer by funlovinlady at 7:31 AM on Apr. 21, 2013

  • In my experience (as the person who started saying they wanted to leave during every fight), if he says he'll leave during fights, it means he wants out. While you should certainly try marriage counseling or whatever else you think can help save your marriage, I think you should also begin planning for the worst. Start setting aside some money, make preliminary plans in terms of where you could go if you split, maybe get a job if your a SAHM. Don't leave him, but be prepared so that if he leaves you, you aren't totally screwed.

    I kind of agree with hellokittykat's advice, but it really depends on what you're fighting about. Some things you can choose to let go of and not fight about, but other things are issues that you can't ignore.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 8:14 AM on Apr. 21, 2013

  • I lived with it for twelve years so I know how it goes. Now is the time for you to step up to the plate go back to school start a business you can do from home. I would take back your power do not allow him to treat you this way. be prepared to take care of your kids. Now is the time to start taking care of yourself. Get counseling for yourself and start there. I did because I did not realize how beaten down I had let myself become. Take care of yourself little eyes are watching you. Take care of yourself provide a good goal for yourself so they do not think this is the way they are to be treated in a relationship.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 11:14 AM on Apr. 21, 2013

  • You know if I were you. I would start perparing to leave him. Because if we can't talk/fight. I can't voice my oppinions. With out him threatening to leave. The marriage is not good.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 9:17 AM on Apr. 21, 2013

  • My ex husband used to do that. He even threatened to divorce me when I was 5 mo pregnant with my youngest. But, then I turned the tables and filed for divorce when my youngest was 3 mo old, and he had the nerve to act shocked. He claimed that he never meant all the horrible things he said while angry. And, always expected to just be forgiven afterwards with no real apology. Though, he'd occasionally have flowers delivered to me (but, yeah, no actual "I'm sorry). I decided that I couldn't live like that and neither should you. If he refuses to go to anger management then you should get out. Your children will learn that behavior. My ex's father threats his mother that way. And, my ex thinks is normal to just have an explosive temper.
    3libras

    Answer by 3libras at 10:46 AM on Apr. 21, 2013

  • I think counseling is in order to learn an effective and non-destructive way to communicate. I would be tempted to tell him next time to not say it if he isn't willing to follow through. It's never okay to abuse others, verbally or otherwise.

    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 12:04 PM on Apr. 21, 2013

  • Honestly, whether he's sensitive or not, I wouldn't let myself be made that insecure in my own house. I'd tell the man if he keeps threatening to kick me out, I'll just take him up on it one of these times and leave with my kids. I'm sorry, but nobody should have to be manipulated by fear that way.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 6:05 PM on Apr. 21, 2013

  • Sometimes we have to do what we have to do. I know you want it to work but does that mean you should lay down and take it? No Take care of yourself.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 6:22 PM on Apr. 21, 2013

  • What do you guys fight about that would lead him to say all those nasty things?
    older

    Answer by older at 7:51 AM on Apr. 21, 2013

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