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5 Bumps

I need advice

i'm gunna give the full story on both sides.. i need advice. ok, i am a family of 6, there me my dh and our 4 kids. ages 9,7,5 and 3 months. we live in our house, my brother in law has been living with us for almost a year. doesnt work, doesnt try to look for a job, he doesnt do SHIT! well about a month ago one of his girlfriends came out here and he came inside and said to see DH outside for a minute, i honestly thought it has something to do with the girlfriends car because my dh is a mechanic. well 5 minutes later BIL comes in and says ok now i need to ask you. and here was the question "Can shelly and her two boys come move into the shop with me for two weeks until we can find a place together" my answer "no, im already taking care of you unwillingly i cant afford 3 more people" his response " no, she works has a car we will take care of us and you wont have to worry about it" i said "fine, i wont tell children they wont have anywhere to live im not cold hearted" Shelly is a 35 year old woman, BIL is 22, and Shellys children are 12 and 10 years old. Shelly did stick to her word about taking care of all of them for a whole THREE DAYS!!! before i ended having to feed, her, BIL, her two boys and all 6 of my family. so now im taking care of 10 people.. Well Shelly comes out to our house one afternoon and says hey, i got my foodstamps today do you want to go get groceries for the house? i said absolutely. when we get to the store she literally spent 60 dollars on a 220 grocery bill and that was just for ONE week!!!! i was stuck paying the rest.. i got home i was furious.. i just went to my room. the next week i asked her what they were going to put towards groceries as i was going shopping that day (payday) and she said i cant afford it, ill pay you 100 dollars on friday... i left my house PISSED and when i got home, i fed everyone, went to my room, and was thinking about the situation, when DH got home from work i told him about the situation. i told him we cant afford to keep taking care of bums. either they need to go or i need to go with the kids cause i just cant do this anymore. well he said i needed to talk to them about it. so i did, i brought them in the house and told them that it was wrong that their children arent their priority and that they are depending on me to take care of them. (dh and i are both 26 btw) well friday comes along and i dont see them, at all, saturday morning, dont see them, saturday afternoon i dont see them, saturday night they come inside to eat dinner, shelly doesnt bother to even pay me the 100 she said she would, sunday comes along and i finally say " shelly i need that money you owe us, i need to go get Brodie diapers and stuff today" she said ok, she comes inside and give dh the money, i take a shower to get ready to get out for the day, and i get the money and open it up (it was waded) and it was literally two 10's and four 1 dollar bills.. this chick give me 24 dollars... now im livid, lava flowing through my body. i ask my children to go to their rooms and i go ask them to come into the house. i said what is this? she said well yall paid the wifi and thats all im paying you back for? i said are you serious? she said yes i thought the groceries i bought for my half yesterday was going to count towards the 100 dollars i owe you. i said NO MAAM your half is your priority, i want the other 75 you own or you need to find somewhere else to live. well we get into a huge fight to which she said she took her 12 year old out for his birthday 3 times to eat (all 4 of them) and just couldnt afford to pay me back. and by the end of the argument the agreement became, they pay half the electric, and 100% of the internet, we pay half the electric and 100% of the gas bill. and by yesterday she had to pay me back the rest of the money she owed me. well during the week she gave me 20, and 25 which left 30 dollars right? yea, yesterday she comes in and says "if i have to pay her back the 30 im not paying the wifi for yalls use" need i remind you, they pay wifi we pay gas bill which is what powers our stove, hot water and such. they have only paid the 90 for their half of the electricity, the 30 still hasnt been paid!! im bipolar and im making sure im not taking this out of context. what would you do?

Answer Question
 
firefly1127

Asked by firefly1127 at 9:15 AM on Apr. 21, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 5 (66 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Just give her notice. Get out and not. That should include your BIL to. Tell her her 2 weeks are up.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 9:25 AM on Apr. 21, 2013

  • See if I had people staying with me like that. They would pay me a lump sum. You know she is on PA and she get her money and stuff around the first. I would inform her she owes me $___ and ___ food stamps for the month. If they eat in your house all the time. You should get all the FS money. But truthfull I would inform my DH his brither and her and the kids are gone.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 9:34 AM on Apr. 21, 2013

  • I thought they were going to be there for a cuple of weeks, Hasn't that come and gone? I would say you need to go now
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 9:51 AM on Apr. 21, 2013

  • tell them they need to leave. no if ands or buts about it.
    klee001

    Answer by klee001 at 10:44 AM on Apr. 21, 2013

  • Kick them out. Call CPS if you are concerned about the kids. You've done more than your fair share of trying to help. If there is another agreement to be made, make sure it is in writing and have a lawyer look at it. I agree the two week are up move their butts out. She has a car she can live in it.
    2autisticsmom

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 10:52 AM on Apr. 21, 2013

  • What happened to Shelley's job? Does she still have or did she ever have it?
    I would not even allow it to happen. She is grown and should be responsible for herself and her children, you do not have to give her or even your BIL a place to live. He is grown and has not even been active in trying to be responsible for himself.
    Time for BOTH of them to go. They are going to wear you down and bring more problems to your home if they stay any longer.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 11:01 AM on Apr. 21, 2013

  • I suggest you give yourself a break. You don't have to build a case that justifies you & criticizes them. You don't have to persuade anybody. And you don't have to be right!! You just have to let them know your limit & your decision. Take responsibility (don't make it about them being/doing wrong) and let them know that you aren't happy with how the situation is working out, so you are [whatever you decide.]

    You felt pressured to take them in & so you agreed. Usually when I get into situations because I'm feeling obligated or pressured, the resentment I feel toward the others involved partly (largely!) reflects anger at myself for doing it. Choices made in freedom (even when they're choices we don't "love" or choices that inconvenience or burden us), if we're conscious that we actually DO choose them because of the situation, don't generate the same resentment as when we perceive ourselves as trapped & "having" to agree.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 11:56 AM on Apr. 21, 2013

  • Tell them they have 10 days to leave.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 1:19 PM on Apr. 21, 2013

  • i have a friend staying with us now without kids and she gets 200 every two wks plus stamps and never puts a dollar in anything so we just kicked her ass out i am so tired of lazy bums
    mamide02ninas

    Answer by mamide02ninas at 1:51 PM on Apr. 21, 2013

  • Have a heart-to-heart with your husband. Don't let him try to talk you out of your feelings. Tell him everything you told us, and insist that he needs to work with you to find a solution, since he said yes to this in the first place.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 5:40 PM on Apr. 21, 2013

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