Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

Do you ever feel just, like there is nothing left of you to give.

I feel like I give and I give and I give and that Ia m getting to the point hat I am gone. That there is just no more of me to hand over. I mean to my husband, family, work, friends, obligations... I feel I am physically, mentally and emotionally spent. Like here is nothing left of me and I don't know what is left. When is it time for someone to give back to me? Of course when they try, I am so used to being the one giving I have a hard time accepting. What is wrong with me today? I am just so ... depressed? I don't know.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:10 PM on Apr. 21, 2013 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • Sometimes you have to say no, Maybe now is the time to take care of yourself do something for you.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 12:16 PM on Apr. 21, 2013

  • Do you get enough sleep at night? When I feel like that, I know I need more rest then I think about how much worse other people have it & no matter how sorry you feel for yourself imagine walking in other peoples shoes like people who have very bad illnesses & have young children. Then I say Thank you God for everything you have given me. Sometimes you need to put things into perspective.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:17 PM on Apr. 21, 2013

  • The above anon has got it right, listen and instead of feeling devastated feel blessed....
    older

    Answer by older at 12:45 PM on Apr. 21, 2013

  • Get plenty of rest, eat right, stay hydrated & exercise. That will help the body feel up to whatever task(s) you have to do. Next, prioritize. On days you have to work, delegate chores so you aren't doing an entire 2nd shift once you're home. Finally, make time for yourself. And don't feel guilty for it. A happy mom makes for a happy family. And when all else fails- I recommend a good stiff drink (or 2) lol :p

    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 1:13 PM on Apr. 21, 2013

  • I think I have pretty good personal boundaries and yes, sometimes I feel like there is nothing left of me to give, in the sense that I need sleep & need to restore a bit. The basics, primarily sleep & food, are generally enough at times like that. Feeling heard & supported (partnered) is also important for me.
    So I think it's possible to become "spent" just by parenting well, even if/when you're more functional than dysfunctional, because being emotionally available to young children & to myself (which means working through my "unfinished business" as it comes up in the course of the day when my so-called "buttons" get pushed, so that I'm not getting reactive & inadvertently passing along the same exact baggage to my own children) is work that calls heavily on the body's resources.
    When things are less functional (less clear boundaries & a tendency to avoid conflict) the personal cost is higher, "giving until nothing's left."
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 2:07 PM on Apr. 21, 2013

  • My thought would be to take your very valid & important feelings as a signal that something is "off." Take a look at whether you are assuming responsibility for things that aren't yours (over-responsibility for children sets them up to be "irresponsible" & generates many of the conflicts over chores, homework, cooperation, etc. in families; similar dynamics exist with spouses; it can happen at work, too!) If you feel resentment about anything, that's a good sign that you've been ignoring your personal limits for too long & that revisiting your patterns & assumptions might make sense. Most of us who have difficulties with boundaries grew up in homes where our personal limits weren't recognized, let alone protected or honored! You can't develop healthy ways of relating without experiencing them. So it's pretty common to face some "remedial" work in the areas of assertiveness & boundaries, essentially "reparenting" yourself.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 2:33 PM on Apr. 21, 2013

  • Get enough rest, set boundaries, if there is something your husband and children can do themselves instead of always making sure you have to do it for them, have them do whatever it is. And get some time for yourself to do something for you now and then. Recharge your batteries, you are important too.

    Contrary to what some will say, it is not wrong to feel worn out. Nor are you ungrateful for feeling tired and depressed just because there are less fortunate people in the world. You are not the cause of someone else's disability or bad situation.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 5:20 PM on Apr. 21, 2013

  • If I get feeling that way, sometimes I just need to shut the bedroom door and take a nap or listen to some music for a while. It's okay to make a bit of time and space for yourself.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 5:23 PM on Apr. 21, 2013

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.