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How can I be the most supportive in this situation?

A relative of my bf had a heart attack a couple weeks ago and was on life support up until a few days ago. My bf is upset about the whole situation, especially since he didn't agree with the plug being pulled. Now we play the waiting game. When the relative dies, should I go to the funeral? Should I send his parents and sibling a sympathy card? (His parents send me Christmas cards, birthday cards and when my grandmother died, sent me a card)

My bf knows I'm here for him. I've told him many times over the last few days. Is there anything else I should be doing? I feel so helpless and I hate watching him in pain.

 
tempsingl3mom

Asked by tempsingl3mom at 11:38 PM on Apr. 21, 2013 in Relationships

Level 26 (27,595 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Just be there for him as much as you can. When my husband's dad died last year, he was in the hospital 4 months prior to his death. So when my DH came home I would make him a little something that he likes which was grilled cheese and veggie soup. Hey men like comfort food too!! But I do wish you and your bf good luck in the rough times ahead of you.
    Michigan-Mom74

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 12:06 AM on Apr. 22, 2013

  • Just support your bf and if he goes to the funeral, offer to go as well.
    PMSMom10

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 11:43 PM on Apr. 21, 2013

  • If your boyfriend wants you to go, you go. And I'd see what the family wants in his memory; a lot of families prefer donations to a charity in lieu of flowers or cards these days. A lot of folks donated to the hospice that cared for my parents, and that meant a lot to me.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:50 PM on Apr. 21, 2013

  • If you are close enough to the family to send cards back and forth to each other, then I would say that this is an occassion to do so. If you and your boyfrien live together I would say that you should send the card/ flowers jointly and if he goes to the funeral and it is alright with him, go with him.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 11:59 PM on Apr. 21, 2013

  • Being present with someone in pain we can't fix is one of the hardest things a lot of us will ever do. Let your boyfriend direct what he needs from you. If he wants to talk or cry, let him. If he wants to do something to take his mind off how he feels, go with it. Personally, I'd send a card. It seems like the nice thing to do, especially since his family has been supportive of you, at least by mail. Even if your boyfriend doesn't agree with the ending of life support, there's still been a loss that should be acknowledged.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 11:45 PM on Apr. 21, 2013

  • I would send a sympathy card and flowers and only attend the funeral if your boyfriend goes.
    AllAboutKeeley

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 12:36 AM on Apr. 22, 2013

  • That may have come across wrong.

    Send sympathy card and flowers no matter what. Attend funeral if your boyfriend goes.

    There, that's better.
    AllAboutKeeley

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 12:36 AM on Apr. 22, 2013

  • Continue to be supportive of your bf. I would send a sympathy card regardless, but other than take cues from your bf
    MooNFaeRie30

    Answer by MooNFaeRie30 at 6:44 AM on Apr. 22, 2013

  • I would call, send cards and attend the funeral.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 8:55 AM on Apr. 22, 2013

  • Yes, attend the funeral and send the card. They usually already have flowers taken care of, and I think more people appreciate people giving them a meal, like a casserole or a pie, since they are too busy dealing with other things and too preoccupied with sadness to have the energy to do some normal things. Try to focus on celebrating his life. Try to help out wherever you can. People in pain cannot focus well on remembering to pay bills, do chores, etc. Another family gathering a couple months from now might give them all strength and is also a good way to check up on all of them. Some people fall into a deep depression and no one even knows.
    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 10:08 AM on Apr. 22, 2013

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