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What can I do, pregnant women complaining

This is not a bash post or anything, i'm really seeking advice. Everytime a pregnant woman (and their are a lot around me, even my MIL!) complains about a pregnancy-related aliment, i just want to scream. Like when one complains about morning sickness, i just think, ya know, i would throw up everyday for nine months straight if that means i had a beautiful infant in my arms. Or weight gain, i would cut off my arm if i could have a baby. I just don't know what to do anymore, my husband and i have been trying for over 2 years and i've heard it all from, "when you stop trying it will happen" to "just relax" or "why don't you just adopt". It makes me very depressed, like i can't get out of bed some days or makes me psychically ill. My life dream is to have children and a family. It's not just for me, but for my husband, he acts like it doesn't bother him but i know it does. Please any advice?


Asked by Anonymous at 11:58 PM on Feb. 16, 2009 in Trying to Conceive

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • Perhaps you could try saying something similer to what you just said. Just remind people to be grateful for what they have.

    Answer by jamesmommy12 at 12:55 AM on Feb. 17, 2009


    Answer by Anonymous at 12:40 AM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • Have you been to a doc. I have heard it all too. I have been TTC for 4 years now, and my hubby evens says just give it time. I just want to choke the life out of him.

    Answer by BIMOM21 at 1:45 AM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • I have some great TTC Tips and advice feel free to Private message me.

    Answer by Baby1114 at 1:58 AM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • POSTER: of course i've been to a doctor, and a RE, i know i have pcos and that can make it difficult to conceive, plus a tilted uterus (also makes it difficult), I do sometimes say what i said in the orginal question but unless someone has really ttc (like 1 year+) they have no idea what it's like. Hubbies have no idea either, they can't figure out why it doesn't happen, mine TRIES to be supportive, but he just doesn't know what it's like, thanks for your answers so far.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:53 AM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • And FYI I have heard a lot of "baby" tips, like laying on your back for 30 mintues or so, with your legs up, having sex with a pillow under you, timing your ovulation (which doesn't work for me cause i have pcos) charting your BBT etc, none of it's worked. I really don't want to take fertility drugs or do IVF just yet, one reason being the cost factor, another because of the low chances, etc.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:56 AM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • i'm sorry to hear you're going through such a difficult time. we have several friends who have gone through a similar experience at least once. it seems so painful.

    as someone on the other side of the issue (we have 3 children under 5 and i am pregnant again), it's difficult for US to understand YOUR circumstances, just as it is difficult for YOU to understand OURS.

    i am always catching myself making off-the-cuff comments about how the kids wear me out, how i can't sleep when i'm pregnant, etc. etc. i feel terrible as soon as the words leave my mouth, but it's only natural for humans to complain about their own position, whatever it may be.

    i complain sometimes because i have so many kids. you complain because you have none.

    Answer by fluud7 at 8:32 AM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • i have a good friend who has struggled w/ infertility for several years. she is very gracious to me, but she does sometimes respond to my complaints with things like "well, i guess we should be grateful for what we have." it's enough to get her point across w/o seriously offending me.

    maybe try something like that?

    i imagine it must be very difficult for you and your husband and i'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

    Answer by fluud7 at 8:33 AM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • I've been there too. I know how hard it can be to listen to their complaints and advice (I actually found the "advice" more intollerable than the complaints). I tried to avoid the ones I could avoid, and I explained my situation to the ones I thought I could trust. With all the rest that I couldn't avoid or explain things to, I tried to ignore or change the subject when I could. I tried to find more fun things to do that did not include people outside of my immediate family, and staying busy making our marriage and family better did make me feel good about me and us.

    Once I finally got pregnant I found a new problem - you aren't allowed to complain about your pregnancy ailments if you suffered infertility because you should be grateful - how twisted is that?

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 11:05 AM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • I tried for 6 years before finally getting on clomid. I was diagnosed with irregular peroid and I do not ovulate on my own. I remember the pain and at times dislike towards people. My SIL had 5 kids in 6 years and would always ask when was I going to get pregnant. Talking about wanting to b*tch slap someone. I am now going through it once again, but we are not telling anyone that we are TTC this time around. Saves on the questions and comments.

    Oh, and when it finally happens and you do get pregnant like PP said you aren't allowed to complain. Some people in my circle (my sisters,brother, mom, etc) would get nasty and tell me to shut the hell up. Shoot you would complain or whine just a bit when you are on bedrest 5 months out 9.

    But I hope that you will soon be able to complain about pregnancy *BABYDUST*

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:30 AM on Feb. 17, 2009