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I reconnected with an old friend...

we hadn't spoken in 18 years. we had a "friends w/benefits" relationship while we were teens but we never dated at all. we are now both divorced adults with kids. he lives an hour away and I spent the whole day with him yesterday. i brought a friend along too so it wasn't a date or anything.
i was in love with this guy back then and the feelings haven't faded. but he doesn't appear to feel anything romantic for me yet but of course we just reconnected.

advice on what to do or say so as not to scare him away? how often should i text him just to say hi or check up on his day? he is going through a rough patch - just got laid off etc.

i really love this guy but don't want to hurt our friendship.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:57 PM on Apr. 22, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Maybe text him every few days. Just guessing, but I wuld feel smothered by anything more than that at first.

    Answer by Ballad at 4:00 PM on Apr. 22, 2013

  • Give him space to work out his problems and be in touch as a friend every few weeks.

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 4:09 PM on Apr. 22, 2013

  • he's been contacting me daily via text, FB, & phone. But the convos are always just friendly - not romantic. I guess I'll just take it slow but I want him to know I'm there for him.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:13 PM on Apr. 22, 2013

  • Just answer his texts, don't come off as too needy, but don't let yourself become the rebound either.

    Answer by QuinnMae at 4:37 PM on Apr. 22, 2013

  • If he wanted to date you back on high school he would have, if he wanted to date you now he would. I would answer his text and take it slow, let him show real interest in you beyond sex.

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 4:42 PM on Apr. 22, 2013

  • there is no sex now nor is there talk of our sexual past. he has been divorced for awhile now - over a year. i hope he shows interest.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:44 PM on Apr. 22, 2013

  • I agree with the other ladies. Be his friend first, one day at a time :)

    Answer by mz_erica03 at 5:01 PM on Apr. 22, 2013

  • If you have to ask this question, then you are not ready for any relationship yet. You are "in love" with a memory and fantasy. If you haven't been associating with him for 18 years, you don't truely know who he is now. Step back and slow down that "happily ever after" mindset. He may just be looking for a friend. Time will tell... to declare that you are "in love with him" at this point makes you sound desperate and unwise. Not trying to be rude, just looking at it logically.... Good Luck.

    Answer by LeJane at 6:25 PM on Apr. 22, 2013

  • You might be in love with the guy he used to be, but he isn't that person anymore. You need to step back and get to know the person he is now. Be his friend and go from there.

    Answer by kmath at 8:51 PM on Apr. 22, 2013

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