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Putting it in the past?

As some of you know, I was raped 2 years ago. I had been able to put most of it in the past until December/January when he attempted to get a job where I work. (Keep in mind, I still have a restraining order against him till August). After he attempted to get a job where I work, I started having nightmares about the incident. In January, a good friend of mine and I started seeing each other. He is the only one that has stood by me 100% after finding out about the rape. Last night I woke up around 2am after having a nightmare about the incident, really wishing my guy was with me. I told him about it this morning and told him I was doing really good until a few months ago. He took it as though I was saying it started back up when him and I started seeing each other. I think I have got him to realize that isn't what I was saying. When I am with him I finally get the chance to forget about it for a while and put my mind in a better place. I get to focus on US. I don't want to hide in fear for the rest of my life. What can I do to help put it in the past?

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agrafel

Asked by agrafel at 4:02 PM on Apr. 22, 2013 in Relationships

Level 6 (117 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • Have you tried getting counseling?
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 4:05 PM on Apr. 22, 2013

  • During the trial I was getting help from DVACK. I haven't since then. I have done a lot of writing in a journal but haven't been to an actual counselor. He has told me that he is willing to sit down and let me talk about it. Maybe its what I need to do.
    agrafel

    Comment by agrafel (original poster) at 4:07 PM on Apr. 22, 2013

  • Could you find a support group of other rape victims?
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 4:09 PM on Apr. 22, 2013

  • I live in a rural community where we don't have groups like that.
    agrafel

    Comment by agrafel (original poster) at 4:10 PM on Apr. 22, 2013

  • Counseling
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 4:11 PM on Apr. 22, 2013

  • Go seek help and go to a support group as well. You can PM me anytime. I do understand what you;'re going through, I was forced to share a class with my rapist. The school refused to change either one of out schedules and it was one of those required classes.
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 4:11 PM on Apr. 22, 2013

  • Thanks ladies. I hope I can put it in the past again.
    agrafel

    Comment by agrafel (original poster) at 4:15 PM on Apr. 22, 2013

  • It takes time. The triggers you are experiencing are normal. This healing comes in stages. It has not been that long since your trauma. It is a matter of redirecting those triggers, fears and emotions and facing the future without letting the dark passengers of our past control us. Stay busy, get involved in the things you love and give it time. To me counseling won't make the difference. Sometimes it can make things worse because they can tand to take you back to the pain of something you can't change rather than to focus on moving on.
    If you see this guy in the future, keep your head up. I would call the authorities and check into getting an extended order of protection- let them know he tried to get a job at your place of employment. Stay strong....
    LeJane

    Answer by LeJane at 4:21 PM on Apr. 22, 2013

  • Thanks LeJane. He only lives 45 minutes away from me and I am dreading the possibility of facing him in the future. I guess I just need to keep reminding myself that now I have an amazing guy who cares about me and will never put me through that again. This guy is my world and don't want something from my past to ruin it.
    agrafel

    Comment by agrafel (original poster) at 4:26 PM on Apr. 22, 2013

  • There may be an online support group you could participate in. In my experience, talking to others who have faced similar challenges has helped.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 5:00 PM on Apr. 22, 2013

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