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Can I legally keep him from my baby?

I started seeing an ex-bf from high school in early July 2012. When we were in high school, I thought I was in love (I was 15, he was 19), he was a trouble maker. I persuaded my mom that he was just raised badly, he grew up in foster care after age 8. Anyways, she was ok with him until he did something, and went to jail. The she forbid me to see him. (I dont blame her now, but then I was furious). I went on, not talking to him, until July, he sent me a fb request. Anyways, he told me about how his life was turned around, he just got out of a bad relationship, and he had a 2 yo little girl with his ex. He worked for her dad still at a construction site her dad owned. We moved quickly, all was great. Little by little I started realizing he hadnt changed at all. He would have random fits of violence. First it started off as he would pinch or squeeze me, "joking around", when he would get mad at me. But it quickly escaladed to him beating on things, punching holes in the walls. He only put his hands on me 3 times. Once he choked me, because he thought I was flirting with the neighbor because I told him he could sing really well. He put a pillow over my face and hit it hard several times, because I told him Channing Tatum was attractive. And he held me down and slapped me once, when I told him he hadnt changed and I wanted him to leave. Our relationship moved quickly, and I knew I should have left him, I just felt like I was stuck, because everytime I tried, he would go crazy. I was scared to. Well, one day I found out he didnt actually have a daughter. He told me that to have an excuse to go sleep with his ex, when he "visited" his daughter. Well, he got sent to jail for a previous charge, he failed to tell me about at first. And I talked to him on the phone. I told him on the phone I didnt want anything to do with him anymore. I was moving on. He freaked out, and broke out of jail. The police showed up at my door, and put me in an undercover car, because he had told one of his buddies in jail that he was going to teach me my lesson. Ive heard he's facing five years in prison for ecscape, but no one will tell me at the police department for sure. Anyways, About a month after all that happened, I found out I was pregnant. And I want him to have nothing to do with my daughter. I didnt tell him I was pregnant, he found out through mutual friends. I lied to him, and told him that it wasnt his, that I wasnt far enough along for it to even be his, but I think hes not as dumb as I thought, and doesnt believe it. I would just pick up and move, but I have a 5 year old son, and unlike this guy, my ex-husband is a great dad. I just wasnt thinking the entire relationship, and it is what it is. Ya know. But I just dont want him to request a DNA test one day, and have rights to take her. I live in Ohio. My ex-husband said there's a law that states if youre in this situation, and another man claims to be the father, and signs the birth certificate, both the mother & one who signed the birth cert. would have to give consent for a DNA test, and if they dont, The one wanting the DNA test could take it to court, for a court ordered test. But that means he would have to pay for a lawyer, plus court fees, and I know he wont do that. I just dont want her to have to grow up with him, if he'd do it to me, he'd do it to her too. Plus, not to mention he's been stalking me since all of this. He sent me a letter saying he was going to kidnap me, after I had the baby, and I wouldnt be coming back. I lost that letter after I recently moved though. Ive been searching for it since. But he stalks me through town, he broke into my house once, but I couldnt proove it was him. Only things that were taken were things he wanted that were mine, that I wouldnt give him. I just dont know what to do!

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:02 PM on Apr. 22, 2013 in Parenting Debate

Answers (8)
  • did someone else sign the birth certifacate or what?? I had a sorta similar situation with my ex. Except he became violently abusive AFTER I gave birth to my son, I should have left him before the birth for other reason(immaturity etc). Anyways I got CPS involved(they aren't all evil) and they documented that my ex could only have supervised visitation. He did stalk me for a while and call and threaten to kill me etc. But he eventually moved on and I never heard from him again. My point is that you will need to think about court in the future...keep documenting everything, get a file box(portable one) so you can keep all paperwork in a safe spot, call cops whenever needed to document his threats etc. Chances are he would only get supervised visits if he tried, which isn't great but better then the alternative.

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 6:12 PM on Apr. 22, 2013

  • What tnt said......

    I would also get ahold of an attorney and find out the facts off everything going on. You can call a family law attorney and pay a small fee for a consultation. Write down the facts and what you need to find out. Stick with facts and logic. They can't work with accusations and emotions- just the facts. Knowledge is power. Instead of being afraid and living your life in fear of 'what if " , empower yourself with all you can. If you solve your worst scenario, you will be able to relax and go forward.

    Answer by LeJane at 7:06 PM on Apr. 22, 2013

  • I thought you said he was in jail now and possibly for 5 more years.

    Answer by Dardenella at 7:10 PM on Apr. 22, 2013

  • He can't do anything tell he is out of jail right? Move and change your number.

    Answer by louise2 at 7:16 PM on Apr. 22, 2013

  • Take the letter and all other evidence to court to seek sole custody.


    Answer by RyansMom001 at 9:00 PM on Apr. 22, 2013

  • If he is doing 5 years for the escape maybe more time for anything else, you may not see him again, cause if he gets out he will always mess up and go back.

    Move on and lose contact with anyone who knows him.

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 9:02 PM on Apr. 22, 2013

  • I think technically, at least in most states, the man to whom you are married at the time of the birth is the legal father. If you were never married to the bio dad and he didn't sign the birth certificate, then he has no legal rights to the child until granted those rights in court. You should probably seek legal counsel to prevent any problems in the future and clear things up for the child's sake. I would think a judge would be hesitant to grant unsupervised visitation to a father who may have a criminal record and who has threatened you, the mother, proven by the letter he sent you. I think if I were you I'd speak to a lawyer and gather as much evidence against the father in order to stay one step ahead of him if there were any chance he'd be granted custody in any form and/or visitation.

    Answer by HHx5 at 11:26 AM on Apr. 23, 2013

  • yes you are right about the law in ohio - i know someone who did that - had her best guy friend sign as dad and made a pact to never let the bio dad test the kid. then she married the best friend and happily ever after. so far. i think you should see if you can get a restraining order. you might have to document him harassing you. and him breaking out of jail to teach you a lesson would be good evidence. i agree you need to keep him as far away from your kid as possible and you need to remember this - never date anyone like that again - judge all sexual partners on the basis of good-fathers from now on because you are obviously fertile.

    Answer by AmaliaD at 2:33 PM on Apr. 24, 2013

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