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What do i need to do with a defiant 6 yrs. old? How do i punish him?

To all the mom's out there: Please help! I have a 6 yrs old boy that is does not respond to his teacher at school very well. When i say respond i meant being defiant(stuffing worksheets under his desk and not listening to her). He is not like this at home 90% of the time. I don't have trouble having him do his work at home but when his in school he pull cards everyday and I am tired of school notes from his teacher everyday. I have taken his priveleges at home and at school. I have had asked the teacher to make him sit out for recess and do the worksheets. Have tried rewarding him.
Now, I am running out of ideas and all of this does'nt seem to faze him at all. I just dont why he acts so differently at school and home. Please help!!!! Thanks.

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Asked by lsm3kintn at 9:27 PM on Apr. 23, 2013 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 2 (7 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Maybe he s having trouble understanding the material and he's embarrassed

    Answer by Nimue930 at 10:35 PM on Apr. 23, 2013

  • Does he seem to understand the work when you do it with him at home? Could he be following other kids who don't do their work at school and don't listen to the teacher? Could you go and observe his interactions with his teacher and classmates? Maybe the relationship with the teacher isn't the best, or maybe his learning style doesn't match with the way she presents things. Did he have trouble in kindergarten? Has his vision been tested? His hearing? Is this problem new, or has it been going on for the entire school year?

    Answer by Ballad at 10:54 PM on Apr. 23, 2013

  • @Nimue930: Thak you for your input but he understands the material and i know he is not embarassed. It takes more than that to embarrass him. He tells me he did not want to do it because its too long (1 pg of paper with 40 math problems). And when he does he gets perfect score every single time.

    Comment by lsm3kintn (original poster) at 11:50 PM on Apr. 23, 2013

  • Have you sat and talked to her to find out what is going on with him?
    maybe there is some issue you aren't aware of?

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 11:57 PM on Apr. 23, 2013

  • Ballad : Yes, he understand what he needs to do. He is a smart happy go lucky kind of kid. And you are right about his relationship with his teacher. He does not seem to respond well to her teaching style. This is the first year that we have had so many problems with him in school. We had mishaps in Kindergarten but nothing to this extent. He adored his teacher and still have a good relationship with her. We had his eyes tested and is wearing glasses, no hearing problem(selectively maybe) and this has been going on for most of the year. We had some really good month and now back to this again. He told me today he pulled 2 cards because he wasn't on the right page when they were doing reading and because he did not do his work. And the other day he pulled 2 cards because his teacher claimed that he throw his lunch tag and according to him it just got unclasp. What to do...what to do??

    Comment by lsm3kintn (original poster) at 12:14 AM on Apr. 24, 2013

  • This sounds like a problem with the teacher. It could be that she's ineffective at control (whether with just him or in general), or maybe it's a personality conflict between the two of them. I had a similar problem with my oldest's kindergarten teacher - it was a personality conflict for them. I reached a point where I went in and sat with her and the principal and asked what exactly they expected me to do. She would send home notes about his bad behavior, but by the time I picked him up, he'd forgotten whatever he'd done, and since she hadn't done anything to deal with it, he didn't make the connection. She still didn't see to get it until I asked her, "Fine, then when I send you notes about how he didn't want to go to bed last night or hid his bath towel to avoid a bath, you'll take care of that for me, right?" (He didn't do either of those, but it was to make a point.)

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:51 AM on Apr. 24, 2013

  • Her response was that she "couldn't deal with things that I'm not there to see." Well....exactly! I finally got her to understand that yes, I backed her up, and I would certainly talk to him and reinforce that he had to behave, do his work, etc., but that SHE had to be the one to dole out the discipline, because she was the one there. Once she quit expecting me to deal with it, and started actually disciplining him, he got much better - the personality conflict didn't go away, but the managed to get through the year.

    You might have to do something similar. Find out what she does or doesn't do to deal with him, maybe make some suggestions if you know of something she could try that might work. Worst case scenario, get him a different teacher. If it continues after that, then you might want to consider checking him for learning disabilities (just because he understands the material doesn't mean he can do the work on paper.)

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:57 AM on Apr. 24, 2013

  • wendythewriter: Very similar situation. My husband and I have sat down with her and discussed what's been going on. We have suggested a few things for her to do but my child is still not responding to her. I spoke to my sons Kindergarten teacher and she has mentoned that one of the childs parent in my son's class have voice the same concern to her. Now that its almost the end of school year (1 more month) My husband and I are considering about retaining our son because if this happens I will personally asked the principal that we are the one choosing his teacher this time around. And I am going to get him tested for disabilities(eventhough our pedia have told me there is nothing wrong with him that he is a normal 6 yr old boy). Sometimes i feel like she's sending the notes even for little things just to spite me and make me feel like I'm a bad parent

    Comment by lsm3kintn (original poster) at 11:27 AM on Apr. 24, 2013

  • That was exactly how I felt with that teacher I mentioned above. It seemed like she was trying to nitpick my son (not spite me, though I think after I made such a fuss, she wasn't happy with me) and just look for any little thing she could find to make into a big deal.

    Retaining him - why are you considering that? If it has anything to do with the teacher, I would seriously reconsider whether that even needs to be an option.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 6:01 PM on Apr. 24, 2013

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