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My husband and I have been married 4 years, we have a total of 5 children, 2 his, 2 mine and 1 little one together. He hates my 13 year old daughter. And it is ruining our marriage. What should I do?

My daughter is a good girl, but she does not like my husband either awhile back him and I seperated for some abusive things he did, he got help and we reconciled our marriage, she resents him for the past and they do not get along at all, hes aways picking on her and pointing out every little fault and has called her names to her face. I stick up for her and then him and I are fighting, he says she is disrespectful and yes sometimes she is, TO HIM I dont know what to do, this has been going on for awhile now, I love my husbnd so much and do not want to lose him and our family we have worked so hard on to save, but I treat his children like they were my own and they both love me too the family is great other than my husband and my daughter....should I have to choose??  I need advice!

 
erica444

Asked by erica444 at 12:28 PM on Apr. 24, 2013 in Relationships

Level 2 (11 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (26)
  • Your husband should come 1st. I agree that you all should go to counseling. And you need to have a talk with your husband about the name calling, that isn't helping the situation. Then have a discussion with your 13 year old. Perhaps your husband should be part of the discussion, but you should talk to her 1st:mother to daughter. Explain that he is your husband and that he got help for his past and she needs to let that go. Tell her that you expect her to respect him and put forth an effort to get along with him. Then sit both of them down and tell them that they are going to be under the same roof for the next 5 yrs (at least) so they might as well learn to get along.

    I don't really see it as choosing your child over your husband. I see it as putting your husband in the rightful place as head of the house and requesting everyone get along.

    Good luck!
    tempsingl3mom

    Answer by tempsingl3mom at 10:33 PM on Apr. 24, 2013

  • Get out, if he is going to pick on a 13 yo and call her names then you don't need him. If he was abusive in the past she has every right to resent him. If you let this continue he will probably escalate his behavior toward her.
    kmath

    Answer by kmath at 12:31 PM on Apr. 24, 2013

  • I think the spouse should come first - except in cases of abuse, and name calling is verbal abuse. You taking his "side" and working to strengthen your marriage with him while ignoring her needs will destroy her. She is a 13 yo girl and these years are so important. You don't want her seeking validation and love from strange men because she isn't getting it at home.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 12:47 PM on Apr. 24, 2013

  • My child will always come before a man.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 12:30 PM on Apr. 24, 2013

  • It is one thing to put your spouse first if he is a good man and a good father. What you are talking about is totally different. You need to put your daughter first in this situation!
    kmath

    Answer by kmath at 12:45 PM on Apr. 24, 2013

  • She's a child and he is bullying her.
    It's going to get a lot worse before it gets better!
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 12:51 PM on Apr. 24, 2013

  • Let me put it to you this way. I grew up the same way almost exactly, except half siblings not step. I started drugs/alcohol at a young age, became highly depressed, several suicide attempts, my first serious relationship resulted in extreme abuse which left me with hearing loss in one side and nearly dead.

    Is that how you want your daughter to end up?

    YOU are choosing an ABUSIVE man(because he was physically abusive in the past and he is still verbally/emotionally abusing your daughter, just like my step father) over your child. You are going to loose her...either she will somehow wind up OK but want nothing to do with you or you she can wind up dead.

    YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE!
    tntmom1027

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 1:40 PM on Apr. 24, 2013

  • I totally agree with Kmath! And if my husband treated my daughter like that i would deck him! My babies will ALWAYS come before a man!
    megclark22

    Answer by megclark22 at 12:39 PM on Apr. 24, 2013

  • I'd never put my husband above my child. Get rid of him.
    AllAboutKeeley

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 1:25 PM on Apr. 24, 2013

  • "My daughter is a good girl, but she does not like my husband either awhile back him and I seperated for some abusive things he did"
    "hes aways picking on her and pointing out every little fault and has called her names to her face."
    "should I have to choose??"


    Yes, you should do right by your children and leave that horrible man!
    3libras

    Answer by 3libras at 3:35 PM on Apr. 24, 2013