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Why do people say that "whatever decision you make will be right for you"?

That makes NO sense to me. It sounds like they are not acknowledging how important it is to make the right decision. If that were the case, why bother to even think hard about important matters? You could just flip a coin if ANY decision you make is "right." I know that folks say that to be comforting, but, does that really help?

Many moms who have placed babies for adoption may not believe that they did make the right decision. Better advice is to educate yourself thoroughly, get counseling, talk to others who have walked in your path. Otherwise, you might make a decision that is NOT right for you.

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Southernroots

Asked by Southernroots at 2:04 AM on Feb. 17, 2009 in Adoption

Level 16 (2,433 Credits)
Answers (36)
  • Because YOU know yourself better than we do and YOU know how you really feel on the inside about it and you shouldn't be basing your choices on other people's opinions or letting them influence you because you could end up regretting THAT.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:12 AM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • Because you have to live with it not them
    miss_nevin

    Answer by miss_nevin at 2:20 AM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • I completely agree that not every decision is right.

    Giving birth does not make magically make you smarter.

    I have never been in the situation of deciding on placing a child up for adoption - I would think whatever decision you made in that situation would be full of grief, guilt and horribly strong emotion. At a very stressful time, you are asked to look into the future and decide what is best for someone else. To take your own ego out of it. And then to give up control of what happens next.

    I would hope I had the nerve to do what I knew, at the time and place and given the research/resources at hand, to be best for me and my baby. I am so thankful I never had to find out if that bit of character is in me or not.
    Wimsey

    Answer by Wimsey at 3:43 AM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • If/When I say that, I do so because I would never enter into any major decision without first being very sure that it is the right decision for me and my family. So, yes, I automatically assume that anyone else will do the same.

    I, personally, cannot fathom how a PBMom would make the decision of adoption without educating herself thoroughly, getting counseling, and talking to others who have walked in her path. Obviously it happens, but it's hard for me to understand why, with today's technology of the internet, that it does.
    AllAboutKeeley

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 5:34 AM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • Because it is right for them in that moment. I have seen many of your posts and find them discouraging towards adoptive parents and birth parents who are considering placing their children with an adoptive family. I find you negative, misinformed, and using your experiences and personal feelings to derail others. How irresponsible and selfish of you. To believe that your feelings are the only ones that count and matter is arrogant to say the least.  Continuously you rant about adoption being so horrible.  Not all birth mothers regret their decision to place a child outside of their immediate family.  So it is the right choice for the person who decides to raise or to not raise their child.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:06 AM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • Anon 7:06-
    Southernroots has been around in the adoption world now for many decades. Anyone who honestly feels they made the "right choice" is deluding themselves. I've said the same thing for many months before I realized that it wasn't the right choice. I didn't give my daughter a "better life", I only gave her a different life.

    You say she is uneducated. She has far more education and experience under her belt than you and me or anyone else combined. She strives for expectant mothers and prospective adoptive parents to look into all aspects of adoption, even the not so pretty side of it (and yes, there is an ugly side to it).

    The only time adoption is the right decision is when the mother is unwilling or incapable of parenting. Not a perfectly capable woman simply fearful of motherhood. Abuse, drugs, severe emotional disorders.....then adoption is the right choice. But not when you're just a scared new mom
    randi1978

    Answer by randi1978 at 10:24 AM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • Randi, don't delude yourself either. A perfectly healthy woman who is drug free, addictions free, and with no mental illness can still place a child and not feel like she made a wrong decision. It happens every day. Why a family places a child is their own decision to make. Trying to talk someone out of it is just as selfish as trying to talk someone in to it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:32 AM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • It seems people have a notion that you just magically "KNOW" what's right.


    They forget the important facts gathering process to making an educated decision comes before deciding if it's a right/good choice or not. Is there any decision we make in our lives where it is wise to decide blindly and without gathering facts?


    Since they forget about facts, they're probably thinking emotionally instead. They don't want to 'hurt' other persons feelings.


    No, this approach doesn't really help a person at a crossroads. Often people will voice their opinion/advice after it's too late. What good is it then?


    If the person is asking your opinion, they're obviously unsure. Help them be sure by researching with them and find factual/historical info ahead of time.

    JoesGirl

    Answer by JoesGirl at 10:47 AM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • Anonymous, other than Adoption Therapists who have studied adoption and written thesis on Adoption, Southernroots is the most educated person about adoption I know. She has been published several times on Adoption.com and belongs to the American Adoption Congress. To say that she is misinformed is plain ignorant. She is not anti-adoption, she is pro-adoption reform and pro-parenting. You accuse her of using her own experiences to "derail" others is also ignorant. She has had a good adoption experience and is reunited with her son who had a good adoptive family whom Southernroots is friends with.


    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 10:54 AM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • Anon - i'm sorry you feel that about southernroots apparent concern for exepectant moms and their of babies.

    I am thankful that she is willing to take attacks from people like you, in order to derail unnecessary adoptions.

    Adoption cannot happen without loss (to both natural mother and loss to the child). Why? Why would you want to see an adoption take place if it is unnecessary? Why inflict loss on two human beings when it is not necessary? If it is to fulfill the 'need' for aparents to have a family - that means two people live with profound loss so one person can feel happy. That more appropriately fits the definition of "selfish."
    JoesGirl

    Answer by JoesGirl at 10:56 AM on Feb. 17, 2009

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