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2 Bumps

Ugh! Would you stand behind her in all of this? Or even associate with her?

My friend since 5th grade (we're both 30 now) tried to get pregnant to a guy then left him right after it happened. She said she did it thinking he'd cry over her and make her move back in and he didn't. So her mom and I pretty much took his place. Her son will only stay with her mom and I (besides his father every other weekend.) We do everything for her!! We cleaned her new place when she was only 2wks postpartum and moved her into it. Helped her clean and rearrange since then. My dd was born a yr later and she didn't offer to do shit for me when I had trouble (premature labor). She was real jealous that I had a girl and wanted to get pregnant right away when her son was a yr old. Even butting in and trying to boss my hubby around on how to remodel my baby's room when he was working on it. She's been trying to hook up to get pregnant since he will be 2 in Aug. She says she don't care if the guy sticks around and I think it's because her mom and I help her so much. Hell I'm married and don't get as much help as she does. I pretty much blew her off as of the past 4 months. She wanted to get sperm online and even mentioned about finding a married man that would let her have his baby (I felt she was hinting about my husband). She didn't even make enough income last year to qualify for the extra child credit on her taxes then bitched about getting a small return. She only made like $5,000 for the year! Everyone supplied her with so much for her first that she thinks it'll happen again and she won't need any money for it. She changed so much. She was always independent and now needs "help" with everything she does. She needs a babysitter to go get groceries, help with simple very small house chores... I don't know. She knows what I think lately and she hasn't bothered me. She started coming over being bossy with my 8 yr old and talking to me about my baby like I was a first time mom and didn't know shit. Am I being too hard on her? I know she needs support since she's single but she now expects it in a snotty way. I think I'm done with her. She is seeing someone now according to facebook so I'm hoping it calms her down a bit. But in the back of my mind I wonder when she's going to call me saying she's pregnant and wanting things again. She does alot for attention, that's why I'm ignoring her. So far it's working.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:32 AM on Apr. 25, 2013 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Maybe you should ask her on FB if she has gotten pregnant yet. If she won't get a clue from your stand offish behavior as of the last four months, then make her not want to spend time with you or to have you around. Or you could try the more mature thing and tell her that you feel used and disrespected and that you helped her in the beginning thinking that she would eventually pick up the slack, but that you are not going to enable her irresponsible behavior anymore. That until she starts acting like a self sufficient adult that you aren't interested in a friendship with her.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 11:43 AM on Apr. 25, 2013

  • What QuinnMae said.
    And stop seeing her as needing help because she is a single mom. There are plenty of mom's out there that do it on their own JUST FINE! Don't let her or your own mind convince you she's somehow a victim in all this requiring help and support. She WANTED this, she got it, and she'll figure out how to make it work when you give her the room to figure it out. It'd be best to stop providing all the help and support to her. And as Quinn said, tell her you feel used and disrespected and that you won't continue to be put in that position.
    daylily888

    Answer by daylily888 at 11:53 AM on Apr. 25, 2013

  • We grow apart from our childhood friends as time goes on. We have to adapt to the changes and be okay with the fact that we might not like who they have grown to be.

    Life is too short to have anything in your circle that brings you down. The hard part is distancing yourself from that person.

    I had a friend who was mad at me that I called her to pick up her 3 year old son at 12am because he was not feeling well and wanted his mom. She complained and was cold with me belittled me to others. I said to her, I care about you, your son, and it's unfortunate that you are treating me like this right now. I don't need this and wont associate with it. We haven't talked in 3 years.

    Sounds like your friend is an unneeded stress.
    Skepticchick

    Answer by Skepticchick at 12:07 PM on Apr. 25, 2013

  • She has gotten very used to people taking care of her. Stop enabling her and move on if you need to. She's a grown woman now making grown up decisions to make babies. She needs to be responsible for what she's doing.
    anng.atlanta

    Answer by anng.atlanta at 2:30 PM on Apr. 25, 2013

  • Ignore her. She's not your responsibility.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 1:11 PM on Apr. 25, 2013

  • Let her go as a friend.
    3libras

    Answer by 3libras at 11:37 AM on Apr. 25, 2013

  • Time to make new friends and let the old ones go.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 12:00 PM on Apr. 25, 2013

  • If someone won't help herself, there's not a damn thing you can do for her. Who needs it?
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 2:59 PM on Apr. 25, 2013

  • Hell no. In fact, you've been too nice to her.

    "tried to get pregnant to a guy then left him right after it happened. She said she did it thinking he'd cry over her and make her move back in and he didn't. "

    I'd've smacked her upside the head for that. BABIES ARE NOT RELATIONSHIP TOOLS!

    "She's been trying to hook up to get pregnant since he will be 2 in Aug."

    "nd even mentioned about finding a married man that would let her have his baby (I felt she was hinting about my husband)."

    I'd've smacked her again hard enough to knock her out, and while she's unconscious, get her sterilized with Essure! NOBODY MESSES WITH MY HUSBAND.

    **huff huff**

    Now that I've got that out of my system... She needs counseling. A personality change like you describe indicates something is going on, maybe a medical problem of some sort or a mental disorder. And that would make me worried about her son.

    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:39 PM on Apr. 25, 2013

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