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2 Bumps

Cat's Diary

My boyfriend sent me this. It's undoubtedly been seen before, but I got a laugh anyway and wanted to share.

DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 183 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking, almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs next time. In an attempt to disgust and repulse them, I again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair. (Note-to-self: I think I'll try urinating under their bed, too. Wonder how long it'll take them to find it?)

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Not working according to plan. There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food.

More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergeez." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and may be snitches. The dogs are routinely released and seem more than happy to return. They must obviously be half-wits.

The bird, on the other hand, appears to have become an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is preserved. But I can wait; it's only a matter of time...

DAY 185 - It is now my 185th day in captivity. My captors have completely eliminated my canned food and replaced it with dry kibble, claiming that it is better for my health. The wet food was the only thing I looked forward too, and now even that has been taken from me. I have discovered, however, that the dry food serves to create sharper points on my teeth, and keeps them stronger. I must force myself to consume it, regardless of the taste.

Each morning, they read pages of what is called a newspaper. I found that it is particularly annoying to my captors if I lie on it while they read. Shredding the newspaper is also a particular peeve of theirs, and I have taken delight in doing this before they awake each morning.

My captors have now obtained a "fish tank" - which serves to make up for part of my loss in the food department. While the little creatures are tiny, they are quite tasty. They have yet to replace the two small fish that I have consumed. I must think of a way to make them notice the loss.

The bird continues to mock me. Its little metal room has proven stronger than originally anticipated...

http://www.kittens-lair.net/cat-humor/cats-diary.html

 
Ballad

Asked by Ballad at 8:32 PM on Apr. 25, 2013 in Pets

Level 45 (193,996 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (3)
  • lol...I think this is so true! Today, one of my cats tried to escape "the compound." He jumped from our 2nd story deck to another neighbor's deck. He likes to go deck hopping and he's done it before, too, and I grounded him for 6 months. Today was his first time out on the deck again. I had to knock on the neighbor's door and get to their deck to retrieve him. As soon as I picked him up, he wailed like a baby "at the injustice" all the way home. Another cat did the same, too. Those 2 are not trusted but the rest of my cats have been fine out of the deck by themselves. They'll drown voodoo dolls in their water bowl as threats LOL. I found a stash of dolls' heads under the bed, too. They're so demanding, too! They'll bring their toys to me and stare me down or paw at my knees to play with them. I'm hoping those 2 teenagers will grow out of their rebellion like my oldest cat did. I swear! They are just like children though!
    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 1:06 AM on Apr. 26, 2013

  • cute
    chrstny88

    Answer by chrstny88 at 9:13 PM on Apr. 25, 2013

  • Lol, this pretty much sums up my cats.
    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 10:11 PM on Apr. 25, 2013

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