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4 Bumps

These are actual transcripts from a court of law as recorded by the court reporters...


ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

I thought y'all would get a kick out these!!! lol

Answer Question
 
Michigan-Mom74

Asked by Michigan-Mom74 at 11:09 PM on Apr. 25, 2013 in Just for Fun

Level 34 (66,351 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • LOL, very logical...
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 11:13 PM on Apr. 25, 2013

  • Thank God for stupid people, they give us something to laugh at....
    KA91

    Answer by KA91 at 11:13 PM on Apr. 25, 2013

  • sidesplittinglaughter


    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
    WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
    WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.


    There are women with beards though.... I've seen them!

    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 11:53 PM on Apr. 25, 2013

  • sidesplittinglaughterthanks for the laughs!

    ggsmom333

    Answer by ggsmom333 at 2:53 AM on Apr. 26, 2013

  • I actually LOL'd a few times! haha.
    Lobelia

    Answer by Lobelia at 8:22 AM on Apr. 26, 2013

  • Too cute!
    kmath

    Answer by kmath at 9:21 AM on Apr. 26, 2013

  • laughingATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?


    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM


    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?


    WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 11:44 AM on Apr. 26, 2013

  • Too funny! Thanks for the laugh first thing in the morning, I managed to spit coffee on my desk.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 12:16 PM on Apr. 26, 2013

  • rolling on floor

    older

    Answer by older at 4:18 PM on Apr. 26, 2013

  • WOW! I can't believe these are for real. Freaking amazing. So funny though.
    JulieJacobKyle

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 6:54 PM on Apr. 26, 2013

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