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To all of you who have been married a few years and have some experience...

I'm looking for wives who've been though this...Did you ever get so tired of your husband doing the same ridiculous things (no matter what they are) to you for so long that you just became intolerant of it and snapped over every little thing he said or did that was in any way against you? I'm ran down, carrying a heavy weight of his sh*t that he has just kept piling on me. He just keeps on causing the problems knowing what they do and disregarding what it does to me and our marriage even though he sees it..Did you ever get like this? Get to the point where you were just so sick of it you would not tolerate is and snap withing a second over it? Get mad, stay mad etc..It's clear my husband knows I've been quite b*tchy for a while now and he knows why. He knows as long as he keeps piling me down with all of this crap he's causing I'm going to be! But somewhere in his little mind he thinks I "over-react."
Continued.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:59 AM on Feb. 17, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • And yea, my reaction is not light nor forgiving. I'm tired of forgiving and forgiving and forgiving while he's just playing me for a sucker...He'll just go right to what he was doing before just as soon he knows he's out of hot water. He thinks I'm too irrational..He can't fathom why I get so upset or mad every time he does or says anything that should not be done/said...It's just he's been doing it for so, so long it builds up! It puts tremendous pressure and stress on me, and I just want to bang my head up against a wall when he does these things because he's did them a million times and I'm just sick of it, sick of dealing, compromising, forgiving, while he sits there doing his sh*t....So please, If you've ever gotten to this point, what happened? I've tried everything, I mean every thing I could possibly do, but I don't think it's ME that needs to do any more. I think it's him..but even though he knows, he won't stop.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:05 AM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • OH YES I KNOW WHERE YOU ARE COMING FROM I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 6 YEARS AND I GET TO MY BREAKING POINT OFTEN,ITS LIEK THE SAME SHIT ALL THE TIME AND THE MORE I SAY HE TELLS ME THAT I NAG TO MUCH NO THATS NOT IT I JUST WANT HIM TO PUT IS DIRTY CLOTHES IN THE HAMPER TAKE HIS DISHES TO THE SINK PUT HIS SHOES IN THE CLOSET THE LITTLE THINGS WE TEACH ARE KIDS BUT AFTER 6 YEARS IT STILL HASNT GOT THRU I HAVE SAID SOME MEAN THINGS LIKE I HATE YOU AND I WANT A DIVORCE AND I JUST CANT DO IT ANYMORE,I HAVE A 4 ADN 6 YEAR OLD AND WORK A FULL TIME JOB ITS ALOT OF WORK AND HE DOESNT UNDERSTAND ANYMORE I JUST DEAL WITH IT THE BEST I CAN HE WORKS NIGHTS SO I DONT SEE HIM MUCH AND I WORK DAYS ATLEAST I HAVE A CLEAN HOUSE WHEN I GO TO BED AT NIGHT.HANG IN THERE I DON'T HAVE MUCH ADVICE BECAUSE IF I DID MY SITUATION WOULD BE BETTER I AM SORRY,JUST HOPE AND PRAY IT WILL SOON GET THRU AND THEY WILL REALIZE HOW MUCH WE DO.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:28 AM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • Yes there are things my hubs do that get on my nerves so bad...or things he doesn't do. We've been married for 7 years. I complained about him shaving his head and leaving so much hair all over the bathroom, especially when he seemed to do it right after I cleaned it, to his mom and she gave me an interesting perspective.

    She said she used to feel that way too, but then she started thinking that she'd rather have him around making these annoying messes than imagine living her life without him in it. I try to do that now too. It really does help dissolve anger for me. And I also try to remind myself that I do things that drive him crazy and he doesn't stay on my butt about them.
    munch12502

    Answer by munch12502 at 6:44 AM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • I went through the same thing for a little while and it finally got to the point where I just exploded. I told him how I felt, did a lot of yelling (I have a short fuse) and I gave him a choice, he either needed to stop or I was gone and he knew I was serious. Things have gotten a lot better because I don't hold things in anymore.

    sammiesmom2000

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 6:47 AM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • I don't know the kinds of things he's doing, but I have felt the same way as you do. What I did was completely freak out. I mean, I turned different shades of red, my eyes go bright green when I'm pissed (or crying), I started throwing things-at him, I screamed at him until my voice went funny. He got the picture. I think it scared him. He still does dumb shit, and I don't completely ignore it. He knows that I won't. He still says I overreact, and get irrational. I admit, I do sometimes. But I've also told him that if he didn't act like an ass as much, I wouldn't. BUT, I do have to say that my hubby has been known for throwing a tantrum, as he did in the grocery store the other day. You just have to figure out how you can get it through your hubby's head that he needs to stop causing you so much stress. If he doesn't respect you, or how you feel about things, then something is very wrong. That was a point I had to make with
    Buffie95

    Answer by Buffie95 at 7:48 AM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • my hubby. Him blowing off my feelings meant he didn't respect me, that I don't mean much to him. You can't just disregard your spouses feelings. If you can't just say what you need to say, I usually can't, then write him a letter. I call them 'fuck you letters", and I used to write them. I'd put them in his wallet so that he'd find it later, like when he's at work. I think it would stop him in his tracks. He'd talk about whatever the issue was with someone at work, and they would always tell him he's being an ass, and that he was wrong. Some people just don't accept thier part in arguments, it's always the other one's fault. Sometimes it is, but for the most part, it takes 2 to cause marital problems. I'd say write him a FU letter. That way you can say what you want, and he can't interrupt you. And usually you can tell by someones hand writing that they are pissed. Good luck, and you are not the only one!
    Buffie95

    Answer by Buffie95 at 7:52 AM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • I was given the same advice as munch12502 , by my therapist. It's good advice, depending on just what your hubby is doing.
    Buffie95

    Answer by Buffie95 at 7:54 AM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • OP--
    I never let things fester that long--if I'm unhappy, for whatever reason, I tell my husband--whether he is the cause of my unhappiness or not!

    My mother was a very domineering person, and I was never "allowed" to say how I felt, so I learned how to keep everything bottled up--and it resulted in the demise of many relationships! THEN I met my husband and his family, who can argue and "debate" with finesse! Sure they get angry with one-another and maybe don't speak for a day or two, but then everyone licks their wounds, and moves on without resentment!

    So, through my husband and his family, I've learned how to argue in a "healthy" manner:
    say what you feel (good or bad),
    stay focused/on topic,
    don't dredge up ancient history (keep it current)
    don't curse/insult, or use "you always or you never"
    state clear facts, not generalizations,
    and REALLY listen to the other side, and try to address THEIR concerns
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 8:01 AM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • I have been married 44 years, and I would need to know more about what he is doing before I could answer your question. I can tell you that sometimes we ourselves set the cycles in motion because we are doing the same old things ourselves. There is an old saying that when what you've been doing isn't working, it's time to try a different approach. It is very easy for us to see the faults in our mates and be totally blind to our own. Sometimes, the slightest alteration in ourselves will immediately change the rest of the family. I also know that we women are more subject to feeling sorry for ourselves and wearing that mantle of self-pity very well. I further know that's a big turn-off to our men. Attitude is everything. And the wife has the distinct place of being able to set the attitude of the family. So you might try putting on a happy face even if you don't have a happy heart. Might make a big difference!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:49 AM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • Me and my husband have been having lots of arugments about him not helping out like he should. He works 17 hour days but has 3 days off. His excuse is that he works all the time. He still contributes to the mess. He says I bitch about everything but when I ask him to do one little thing like put the meat in the fridge and he doesnt do it it pisses me off. Sometimes I feel like I cant handle it but I know that I love him and I'm just going to have to deal with it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:33 PM on Feb. 17, 2009

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