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4 Bumps

Can the Department of Children and Families help me?

im only going anon so if anyone were to search my questions it wont show up. if you know its me i dont care just dont say anything please :)

4 years ago in 2009 the dept of children and families had a case open on our family after my ex husband shook our 4 month old baby. they closed the case when i too the kids, left the state we were living in together and moved back in with my parents.

for 2 years i believed he was innocent (he had a nice story wrapped in a pretty little bow) and i fought on his side to keep him out of jail. because of me he was able to get off with 10 years of probation but he was CONVICTED (not charged) with assault, battery and child cruelty.

shortly after this, he moved back in the home with us and his anger problems started to resurface. he was going back and forth between living here and his moms because having a family was "too hard" for him. he eventually came clean and told me he really did do what he was accused of.

i kicked him out for good, got a job, and when i had the money filed for divorce. this was last year. now we are getting to the point of pretrial in our divorce. ive had to drop my lawyer because of financial issues. his family is still paying for his. he and his lawyer presented me with a parenting plan that would allow him to eventually have unsupervised visitation with the children, like sometime this year. hes not a changed man because he still puts them last, which he proves every week when he shows up at my house purposely late to stick it to me. i supervise the visits for now in my own home. for a brief period i was allowing his mother to supervise but i found out that she let the children go with him and only his sister somewhere in a car, she was not present. ever since they have not returned to his house, or out of my sight whenever he's around.

now hes saying he will fight tooth and nail to get unsupervised visitation, or any visitation away from me. i keep telling him my plan (which is sundays only, supervised, in my home or my parents' home) is reasonable for a man that shook a baby. he claims he isnt the same man but he hasnt gone through any psychological testing to prove it.

back to DCF. do you think if i call them and tell them what's going on, they can atleast write a recommendation for me to present in court? i want to ask them to re open the case but i dont know if they will especially since were all living in a different state than where the original incident with my daughter occured. do they only back up families when there is imminent danger? i need help! sorry this is so long.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:03 PM on Apr. 28, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • You know, I am so scared of DCFS and their involvement in anything, mainly because if they can screw it up, they will. Further, I would worry that somehow, they'd turn it on to me.

    Can your attorney not work with you? Maybe recoup legal fees from your STBX?
    Mrs_Prissy

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 4:15 PM on Apr. 28, 2013

  • That is not meant as a realistic portrayal of DCFS workers......I just am scared of them, probably irrationally.
    Mrs_Prissy

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 4:15 PM on Apr. 28, 2013

  • Have you looked into CASA?
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 4:16 PM on Apr. 28, 2013

  • It doesn't hurt to ask and see what they can do.
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 4:16 PM on Apr. 28, 2013

  • Oh! and if there is abuse involved you should be able to find a lawyer pro bono.
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 4:17 PM on Apr. 28, 2013

  • only helpful suggestion i have is
    to ask judge to order psychological testing
    both of you will have to go, the psychologist can look into the past conviction along with testing of him
    this is not cheap
    i did this route, the ex agreed to go when he was in court, even had his lawyer say that this was good because it would show i was too protective. well, he never went- judge not impressed with this. i went, cost 2 grand. IF he were to ever show up at the psychologist, she has papers signed by me that he would have to sign to bring up some counseling records when he was more honest (thinking it was 100% never revealed)

    so when in court ask judge to order such testing
    be prepared to pay thousands up front

    i would also say that even if you can not afford, you have to get a lawyer- too important NOT to have a good lawyer
    i am in huge debt so my perverted ex does not have alone time...but well worth
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:18 PM on Apr. 28, 2013

  • I would think if he's been convicted of assault, battery and child cruelty, that he wouldn't stand a chance of getting unsupervised visitation. Take proof of his conviction to court.

    I don't know if DCF would help or not, but I'm thinking the conviction should really be all you need. Good luck!
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 4:18 PM on Apr. 28, 2013

  • also, you can ask the court for a guardian ad litem for your child/children
    this person is a 'lawyer' for your children, and will look into past convictions
    will advise court what is best for your child
    will interview you and him separate

    also not cheap, but half the cost of a good lawyer and he will have to pay for half of the bill

    mine is 125 hour (compared to 250 hour for my lawyer), and the ex is suppose to pay half of the 125 hour for g.a.l.

    judge will take what g.a.l. says and it will be gold with the judge
    you do not have to have a lawyer to ask for one, but may want to found out the correct wording when asking for one
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:27 PM on Apr. 28, 2013

  • well now that pretrial and trial dates have been set im going to contact my old lawyer again. i was basically paying her in the past just to sit on her ass. i had no idea we could file a motion for pretrial, or i wouldve asked her to do that right off the damn bat! but she wanted me to play this flip flop game and try to come to an agreement, so i was wasting my money with her. now that its been set ill only have to pay her to represent me in court.

    and i agree that the conviction SHOULD be enough but he and his lawyer are playing the PTSD card since he was only back in the states 4 months before he shook her (he got back right before i gave birth). im just afraid of getting a judge that will buy the bullshit.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:30 PM on Apr. 28, 2013

  • but even if they do i guess it's still a double edged sword. a man with PTSD that is obviously so mentally ill he almost killed an infant also has no business being alone with children. i dont know for whatever reason im afraid his hot shot lawyer will smooth talk the judge into submission, and ill be standing there all stupid with no representation and unable to speak legal jargin and lose everything.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:33 PM on Apr. 28, 2013

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