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Financially helping family ?

I'm 38, single mom, ex has been absent fir three years now / no child support, no contact.
Bought a modular home in 2005,doing okay financially / still employed same place semces 2001. Have moved up the ladder when I could.
To my problem: I have one brother, 12 years older than I. This past summer him & his wife seperated. (Personal option: this was a good thing) they'd been together sense 1992. No really talk of actual divorce and no children.
Anyhow, they lost their home and basically everything fir what it was worth meaning they dudnt live in a nice part if town and really didn't own much of value. She lives in an apparent and is no disability. (Ugh, that's another story - she used him fir all he had, he has nothing more so she's moved on - again my option)

Problem: he's moved in with our patents, has not found a job,(he's being picky in a small town)
Anyhow, yes my mom has helped me out from time to time financially but now she's asked me to borrow money to pay off an $800 loan and $900 for my brother car insurance (6 month policy)
I can use my vehicle - that I paid off in march.

Would you do this?
My mom asked him to put his truck in her name to save in the insurance - he refused. U dint know, if that would help or not he'd still have to be listed as the driver.
He wants a job with insurance and all - too bad - get a job!

I can afford the payments, as if I still had a vehicle loan but the extra money fir food and kids summer activist has been nice. I've worked my tail off to get where I am - while he's being picky and sitting at my parents home all day.
But than I realize maybe I do owe MYMom somethjng. Which I realize if I don't pay it - shell have too.

Options ???

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 7:39 AM on Apr. 30, 2013 in General Parenting

Answers (12)
  • I'm all for helping family but you need to take care of your kids too. If you don't think you'll see this money again and you need it I wouldn't lend it. Maybe give a portion, or wait until your brother does something to help his own situation and try to help him than.

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 7:51 AM on Apr. 30, 2013

  • The problem is if I don't our mom will do it. I know, I'll never see the money again. I'm already paying his cell phone - have been for awhile - he had a truck driving job and it was either my moms cell bill doubled or I could add a line for like $30 a month on my plan. So... He was added to my cell phone plan.
    And no he's never paid the $30 per month.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:02 AM on Apr. 30, 2013

  • Sorry for the bad typing. On my phone this morning and getting kids to school. Hope it all makes sense.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:04 AM on Apr. 30, 2013

  • Okay, so from what I can tell, a lot of this is your opinion. So the first thing I think I would is talk to your brother and find out if your opinions are correct. Maybe he's not being picky but is trying to find a job and truly can't - it may seem ridiculous, but there are a lot of people, depending on where you live, who want a job and will work anywhere, but simply can't find one. If it turns out you're right...

    I would not look at this is "if I don't, my mom will." By paying this money so your mom doesn't have to, you are taking responsibility for his actions (or lack thereof). You are enabling your mother to enable him. She has to make him get up, get a job and get out. If she's not willing to do that and just wants to keep helping and helping and helping, then it's on her, not you. You can't take the responsibility of taking care of another person because you don't want your mother to. Focus on your kids.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 8:27 AM on Apr. 30, 2013

  • I do not think this is something you should do. It will most likely cause them to be angry with you when you tell them you can't do it, so be prepared for that. But say, "No" anyway. You cannot help people who consistently refuse to help themselves and are always wanting someone else to take care of them. If your mom chooses to go further in debt for him, there is nothing you can do about it, but it is her choice, and you are not responsible for that either.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:37 AM on Apr. 30, 2013

  • I agree with Wendy.

    If you were lending your mother the money so that she could get out of a hard situation then fine. I would let your brother work things out by himself. You need your money for your children. THEY are your priority.

    Answer by winterglow at 8:39 AM on Apr. 30, 2013

  • As painful as it might be to not help, you need to take care of yourself and family first. You have worked hard for what you have and he needs to do the same. GL hug

    Answer by silverthreads at 9:43 AM on Apr. 30, 2013

  • You are already doing enough for him now its time for him to do the rest for himself.

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 10:38 AM on Apr. 30, 2013

  • I agree with wendy in the find out from the horse's mouth whether what you think is what is really true.

    You are paying $30.00 a month. That is $360.00 a year. That is more than enough.

    He is not working and in my opinion he does not need a cell phone until he is. JMO.
    What you mother will or will not do has no bearing on this situation. That is her decision.

    Suppose it was just him asking you, no mom in the picture. What would you say and do?
    I have helped family and they have helped me. But if we will not help ourselves we pretty much wallow in the mire until we do.

    As you have explained it, no I would not.

    Answer by Dardenella at 11:55 AM on Apr. 30, 2013

  • I would not. You've worked and showed that it is possible to support yourself. Let him learn from his mistakes.

    Answer by m-avi at 12:11 PM on Apr. 30, 2013

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