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My 19 month son is totally obsess with me he only want mommy all the time

I take care of him all day but he plays alone or with older siblings a little but then comes back to look for me. only goes to bed if I am going to bed with him wakes up sometime in middle of night if feels me wake up.

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Gigi567

Asked by Gigi567 at 4:17 PM on Apr. 30, 2013 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 2 (6 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Sounds normal to me. Does it concern you?
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 4:20 PM on Apr. 30, 2013

  • it doesn't really concern me except for the fact that I am planning to return to work and he might have to go to daycare where they not going to give him the attention he gets from me. So I feel I am kind of spoiling him and therefore he will suffer. He is really attached to me
    Gigi567

    Comment by Gigi567 (original poster) at 4:24 PM on Apr. 30, 2013

  • sounds pretty normal

    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 5:31 PM on Apr. 30, 2013

  • Normal phase. A daycare will probably be able to help him work through it when you go back to work.
    2autisticsmom

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 5:57 PM on Apr. 30, 2013

  • Break it off soon or he will be overly attached for the rest of his life. It's a good idea to disappear a few times during the day in your own house and then to reappear so that the child learns that just because he doesn't see you does not mean you're not close by.
    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 4:04 AM on May. 1, 2013

  • I wouldn't assume that you need to frustrate or stress him by resisting his neediness if you don't want him to be "overly" attached for "the rest of his life." Children who get their attachment needs satisfied (so they aren't anxiously preoccupied with making sure those needs are met) gain the freedom to focus elsewhere. The growth orientation comes from having your attachment needs met, not frustrated.
    If he seems anxious & needy, viewing it as normal but something he will grow through (with support to do so) will help you respond in a way that doesn't increase his anxious focus.
    Be sure that YOUR response to his upsets or frustrated feelings are not anxious responses (focused on "getting him to stop" crying or on keeping him happy) but also that you support his expression of challenging feelings (sadness, anger, crying, raging) rather than withholding attention & approval by ignoring or punishing them with time out.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 7:33 AM on May. 1, 2013

  • Consider that sometimes a "backlog" of feelings, or never getting to the point of getting to fully express unsettling feelings (like frustration, disappointment, powerlessness) in a healing way, can drive a general sense of feeling "off." If he habitually seeks you when those feelings bubble up, in order to distract himself & keep the feelings "patted down" inside, then they continue to drive the pattern of demanding contact in order to self-soothe. Denying contact doesn't help the root CAUSE, and the unreleased feelings only intensify with that resistance from the parent.
    Experiment with setting some reasonable & unavoidable limits warmly, so you stay in supportive contact with him when he's frustrated. Don't "fix" the problem or distract him from his feelings; just support him by listening & caring.
    Having a chance to offload their unsettling feelings would directly boost my children's resilience, independence & cooperation.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 7:45 AM on May. 1, 2013

  • Expressing feelings "in a healing way" just means with the support of a caring listener who can contain those feelings & be there. When parents respond with distraction or compensation (so the crying stops) the feelings remain, and the child learns that it's important to avoid certain "bad" feelings. Over time, he steps up his demands (because the accumulating feelings want to come OUT!) and "needs" more and more in order to hold them off. Typically, kids get more rigid & less resilient: upset about sandwiches cut "wrong," the "wrong" cup, or a "broken" banana or cookie. Or "needing" mom an increasing amount, to the point that it's untenable. Those are the kinds of limits you can hold (not in an irritated way) in order to help a child release the feelings driving the rigidity & demandingness.

    Obviously, being punished or rejected for "negative" feelings isn't healing, either.

    In general, I think the way "out" is through! lol
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 7:59 AM on May. 1, 2013

  • I went through the same thing when I was pregnant with my second child my first was barely a year old and I worried about me leaving to deliver number 2, everything will work out, children are resilient, and adapt well.....
    older

    Answer by older at 10:05 AM on May. 1, 2013

  • This daycare will help him to break out of mommy obsession interact with others and learn that it's not mommy alone in this world. It will build his trust, confidence, and communication skills. But always make it fun to attend daycare and alwsys say mommy will be back. That's building his trust. And remember all boys are closer to their mommas. And girls will always be daddy's girls.
    Talking from experience a mom with two girls and a baby boy. My baby is about to start the same process as your baby. DAYCARE.
    dearmomma5

    Answer by dearmomma5 at 3:09 AM on May. 7, 2013

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