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Neutral meeting place to exchange custody? Harmful to the child??

My bf has been divorced from his x wife for almost 2 years now. He and I started dating shortly after his divorce was finalized. They have a 2 1/2 year old together. In the beginning of our relationship, once his x found out he was with me, she started trying to get back together with him. This normally took place when he would drop his daughter off or she would pick her up from eachother's homes. She would always take the conversation somewhere to the effect of "don't you want your family? Let's get back together, Ashley's clouding your mind..." so on and so forth. My bf told me about it and I said I was no longer comfortable with them meeting at eachother's houses since she couldn't be respectful of our relationship. He has respected my wishes since but now she's at it again with the guilt trip. She is telling him that meeting at neutral location is teaching their daughter that her parent's can't even get along well enough to meet at eachother's houses and that it is harmful for her. Also that her memory will always go back to a parking lot somewhere that her parent's used to meet. I think she is being absolutely ridiculous and this is a common thing especially with divorcee's who can't keep custody exchanges "business only". My bf is torn because she's really getting to him and he feels guilty if this is, in fact, harmful to his daughter. I think its perfectly fine. I need your opinions!

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Ash9724

Asked by Ash9724 at 11:00 AM on May. 1, 2013 in Relationships

Level 21 (11,107 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • IDK. I guess that would be best asked of a child psychologist. I wouldn't think it would be harmful, especially depending on where it is done. If it's done at the police station, then I might be able to see her point. If it's done somewhere that is normally associated with happiness, then it shouldn't have any negative impact on the child (like a park where she is allowed to play for a few minutes).  I would always suggest that they get a professional opinion rather than just going off of one person's feelings on it though.  Since you aren't the child's mother, I don't think your opinion carries as much weight as the mother and father.  JMO.

    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 11:05 AM on May. 1, 2013

  • I think the ex is stupid. Maybe try meeting at the houses again and if she does the same BS do the meetings at a neutral place.
    It is in no way shape or form harming the child.
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 11:05 AM on May. 1, 2013

  • Do you really think where they exchange the kid is going to change her attitude?
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 11:10 AM on May. 1, 2013

  • They could meet at a park instead of a parking lot. That way she could play for a little bit. My ex and I meet in a neutral location because it is too far to each other's house. DS has no problem with it. The ex is being an ass. Unfortunately this is up to them, not you.
    kmath

    Answer by kmath at 11:16 AM on May. 1, 2013

  • I think that it's more damaging for her to let their daughter see that she wants him back and any mixed messages that go along with her behavior, than it is to meet somewhere to exchange custody.

    It's really up to him, not you or her how he handles this. If he doesn't want to be with her, he needs to just tell her. We are not going to be together, and if we can't meet without you trying to talk about "us", then we will have to continue to meet some where neutral. The only thing we should be discussing is our daughter. Period.

    You can't make him do this though. He has to decide if he wants a relationship with you or her.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:29 AM on May. 1, 2013

  • It pains me to say that ohwrite is completely correct about this. Good luck.
    Kword

    Answer by Kword at 11:36 AM on May. 1, 2013

  • You need to step back from this, and let him handle it how he sees fit. He is with you, and unless HE is giving you reason to doubt him, you should put aside your jealousy or insecurity or whatever feelings you have about what she's doing and ignore it. He will keep telling her that he's not interested in her - and if he doesn't, then the problem you have is with HIM, not her.

    He, and she, needs to do what is best for their daughter - and they are the only ones (outside of professional advice) that can do that, and they are the only ones who have any real opinion on it. Your role should be one only of support for his decisions, whatever they are.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 11:44 AM on May. 1, 2013

  • Many courts order the exchange to be on neutral ground. So mu answer would be I doubt it.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:23 PM on May. 1, 2013

  • Maybe I'm out of line here but I think he would be with his family if it weren't for you. So maybe you should let him go if he comes back to you then it's meant to be. If he doesn't then you know you were in the way of this family working things out. For the baby's future and his sake your just a girlfriend. The other woman was a wife and mother and he is a father. That will never change and family need to stick together. Get your insecurities off the plate.
    pinkparcel

    Answer by pinkparcel at 12:34 PM on May. 1, 2013

  • I don't think where they meet is an issue. I mean, what prevents her from coming on to him at a park as opposed to his/her home? I don't understand. He should drop off his child at the mom's front door, and when she drops the child off he should meet them at the front door.
    My ex and I never set foot in one another's home, there's no need.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 12:39 PM on May. 1, 2013

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